Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one specific supporting detail and use a linking word. Avoid redundancy (e.g., “watching sceneries” + “looking outside” say one).

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel. For example, I enjoy watching the changing landscapes because they make me feel calm and relaxed, and I often notice little details like farmers working or different types of trees.

提案: Improve sentence flow and avoid filler words. Use linking words to combine ideas and give one clear example. Correct collocations (say “take photos” not “clicking pictures of”).

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window. For instance, I usually take pictures of rural landscapes and people walking or fishing because these moments look authentic and tell a story.

提案: Answer directly and correct tense/word choice. Start with a clear preference sentence, then give one specific reason using a linking word. Avoid unnecessary comments about not having visited unless relevant.

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking and the panoramic views you get from the top. For example, after climbing, I like to look over valleys and forests, which feels rewarding and peaceful.

× I love watching sceneries and enjoy looking outside because it's feels very peaceful.

✓ I love watching the scenery and enjoy looking outside because it feels very peaceful.

'Sceneries' is unnatural; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun. Remove 'it's' and use 'it feels' to avoid double subject; 'it's feels' is incorrect because 'it's' contracts 'it is' and cannot be followed by another verb form. Use 'the scenery' for general view and 'it feels' for correct verb agreement.

× Yes, always. I love clicking pictures of. Countryside scenario and buildings and people, uh, fishing or walking. I enjoy clicking pictures of them.

✓ Yes, always. I love taking pictures of the countryside, buildings, and people fishing or walking. I enjoy taking pictures of them.

Fragmented and incorrect phrasing: 'clicking pictures of.' is a sentence fragment; use 'taking pictures' (more natural) and combine list items with commas. 'Countryside scenario' is awkward; use 'the countryside.' Ensure parallel structure in the list: 'buildings, and people fishing or walking.' Repeating 'I enjoy taking pictures of them' is acceptable but use 'taking' for consistency.

× I have not visited any of these places, but I will prefer mountain because I find it very fascinating to climb a mountain and then see the world around it.

✓ I have not visited either of these places, but I would prefer the mountains because I find it fascinating to climb a mountain and then see the world around it.

Use 'either of these places' for two options. 'Will prefer' is unnatural for a preference; use 'would prefer' or simple present 'prefer' to express preference. 'Mountain' should be plural 'the mountains' when comparing with the sea. Remove redundant 'very' before 'fascinating' for conciseness. 'See the world around it' is awkward; 'see the world around me' or 'see the area around it' would be clearer; here 'see the world around me' fits if speaker means personal view, but kept 'see the world around it' changed to 'see the world around it' -> actually changed to 'see the world around it' kept? The correction uses 'see the world around it' unchanged to keep original meaning but better is 'see the area around me.'

× Yes, I look at the window while traveling.

✓ Yes, I look out of the window while traveling.

Common collocation is 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window' rather than 'look at the window.' 'Look at the window' implies staring at the window itself; use 'look out( of) the window' to indicate viewing the outside scenery.