Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Câu trả lời của bạn tự nhiên và liên quan nhưng có lỗi ngữ pháp, phát âm không rõ (ví dụ 'It's help me' nên là 'It helps me'), và một vài câu thiếu mạch lạc (như 'park on river'). Hãy sửa lỗi ngữ pháp và dùng liên từ để làm câu mạch lạc hơn. Cụ thể: (1) Bảo đảm câu chủ đề rõ ràng và dùng thì đúng (It helps me to relax). (2) Sửa cụm từ không tự nhiên ('the park on river' → 'the park by the river' hoặc 'parks and rivers'). (3) Hạn chế tiếng ậm ừ (uh) và nối ý bằng liên từ như 'so', 'because', 'for example' để mạch văn tốt hơn. Giữ câu không quá dài, tối đa 4-5 câu.

例: Yes, I do. I usually look out of the window when I travel by car or public transport because I enjoy watching the surrounding scenery. It helps me to relax after a busy day, and I especially like seeing parks by the river because they look very refreshing.

提案: Ý tưởng tốt nhưng câu có nhiều lỗi làm giảm tính tự nhiên và rõ ràng: 'text photo' không đúng (nên 'take photos'), câu thứ hai rời rạc và thiếu logic ('all the more curious animals... easily stop' không rõ nghĩa), và thông tin thừa gây lủng củng ('support us on my social network account'). Hãy dùng từ vựng chính xác, chia câu rõ ràng và đưa ví dụ cụ thể, mạch lạc. Cụ thể: (1) Dùng 'take photos' hoặc 'take pictures'. (2) Mô tả một ví dụ ngắn gọn và hợp lý (e.g., 'I often photograph sunsets or interesting landscapes'). (3) Tránh thông tin không liên quan hoặc mơ hồ về động vật nếu không thể miêu tả rõ.

例: Yes, I often take photos through the car window because I like capturing interesting landscapes and moments. For example, if I see a beautiful sunset or a striking view, I will quickly take a picture to remember it and sometimes share it on my social media.

提案: Câu trả lời có ý chính rõ ràng (thích biển) nhưng chứa nhiều lỗi ngữ pháp và từ vựng không phù hợp ('subway' không đúng ngữ cảnh, có các mảnh câu không rõ nghĩa như 'Phone gaze for like', 'after a sweat'). Hãy sửa từ vựng phù hợp ('sea breeze' thay cho 'subway'), dùng thì và cấu trúc câu đúng, và đưa ví dụ ngắn gọn và liên kết bằng liên từ. Cụ thể: (1) Thay 'subway' bằng 'sea breeze' hoặc 'breeze from the sea'. (2) Viết lại các câu rành mạch: 'Swimming or walking along the shore helps me unwind.' (3) Bỏ các mệnh đề vô nghĩa và giữ tối đa 3–4 câu.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy being in the water and I find the sea breeze very relaxing. For example, swimming or walking along the shore helps me unwind after a busy week. I usually visit the seaside during my holidays for relaxation and fresh air.

× Yes I do, I usually look out of the window when I'm traveling by car or by public transport because I enjoy seeing surrounding scenery.

✓ Yes I do. I usually look out of the window when I'm travelling by car or by public transport because I enjoy seeing the surrounding scenery.

Sentence needs article 'the' before 'surrounding scenery' to specify what is seen; 'surrounding scenery' functions as a noun phrase that requires the definite article. Also add a full stop and capitalize for sentence separation. Suggestion: use 'the surrounding scenery' and separate clauses into proper sentences.

× It's help me to relax.

✓ It helps me to relax.

Use third-person singular present 'helps' with subject 'It'. The base form 'help' is incorrect for third-person singular. Suggestion: conjugate verbs to agree with their subjects.

× Uh, I especially like watching the park on river is very refreshing after a busy working day.

✓ I especially like watching the park and the river; it is very refreshing after a busy working day.

Original mixes two ideas without correct connectors and articles. Need articles 'the' before 'park' and 'river', and join clauses with 'and' or rephrase into two sentences. Also add 'it is' to describe that watching them is refreshing. Suggestion: use clear connectors and definite articles when referring to specific places.

× Yes, I often text photo through the car windows because I like capturing interesting landscapes and moments.

✓ Yes, I often take photos through the car window because I like capturing interesting landscapes and moments.

'Text photo' is incorrect collocation; use verb 'take' with 'photos'. Use singular/plural consistency: 'car window' (or 'car windows'); 'take photos' is the correct verb-object phrase. Suggestion: use common collocations like 'take photos' or 'take pictures'.

× For example, when I see a beautiful sunset, all the more curious animals by the roadside easily stop and take picture to remember it and support us on my social network account.

✓ For example, when I see a beautiful sunset, curious animals by the roadside sometimes stop and I take pictures to remember it and post them on my social media account.

Original sentence has unclear phrases ('all the more', 'support us') and missing articles ('take picture' -> 'take pictures'), and wrong verb choices ('support us' inappropriate). Rephrase to 'I take pictures' and 'post them on my social media account' for clarity. Suggestion: keep one clear subject-action sequence and use standard collocations like 'post on social media'.

× I would choose the sea because I enjoy being in the water and I find the subway and the wind very relaxing.

✓ I would choose the sea because I enjoy being in the water and I find the sun and the wind very relaxing.

'Subway' is incorrect in this context (likely 'sun' intended). This is a vocabulary error rather than grammar; replace with 'sun' to make sense. Suggestion: check word choice to match context.

× For example, swimming or walking along the shore help me unwind after a sweat.

✓ For example, swimming or walking along the shore helps me unwind after a sweaty day.

Subject 'swimming or walking' is a singular idea (an activity), so the verb should be 'helps'. Also 'after a sweat' is unnatural; use 'after a sweaty day' or 'after sweating'. Suggestion: ensure subject-verb agreement and use natural collocations.

× Phone gaze for like.

✓ I also like to relax by looking at my phone.

Original is fragmented and ungrammatical. Recast as a complete sentence explaining the idea: 'I also like to relax by looking at my phone.' Suggestion: always provide a subject and finite verb to form complete sentences.

× So I usually go to the sea when I have holidays.

✓ So I usually go to the sea when I have holidays.

Sentence is grammatically acceptable but 'have holidays' is non-native. A more natural phrase is 'when I have time off' or 'when I'm on holiday'. This is a usage/style suggestion rather than strict grammar error. Suggestion: prefer 'when I'm on holiday' or 'when I have time off'.