Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent: start with a clear topic sentence, reduce hesitations, and finish the thought. Add one supporting detail with a linking word. Also avoid repeating words and filler sounds.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because the changing scenery helps me relax and prevents motion sickness. For example, watching trees and buildings pass by keeps my mind occupied while I listen to music.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence, explain the reason briefly and add a linking word to show consequence. Reduce repetition and filler words, and use correct grammar (e.g., "makes me feel" not "makes me to feel").

例: No, I don't take photos while travelling because using a phone in a moving vehicle makes me feel nauseous due to motion sickness. Therefore, I prefer to rest and enjoy the view without my phone.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and combine supporting ideas with linking words. Use slightly more specific details or an example to strengthen your answer.

例: I prefer the mountains to the sea because I enjoy being close to nature. For instance, walking among trees and wildflowers helps me relax and recharge after a busy week.

× Yes, I do look out at the window when I'm traveling either by bus or a car because looking at this, uh, scenery helps me to, to avoid, umm, feeling headache and at the same time, uh, I often, uh, listen to music when traveling, so it gives me a, a.

✓ Yes, I look out of the window when I'm traveling by bus or by car because looking at the scenery helps me avoid getting a headache, and at the same time I often listen to music when traveling, so it cheers me up.

Error type 8 applies because gerund forms and verbal phrases were used incorrectly: 'look out at the window' should be 'look out of the window'; 'looking at this scenery helps me to, to avoid, umm, feeling headache' should use the gerund 'getting a headache' or 'a headache' without 'feeling' and omit the extra 'to'. Also remove filler hesitations. Suggestions: use 'look out of' for windows, 'helps me avoid getting a headache' for correct verb + -ing construction, and simplify repeated verbs and fillers.

× Yes, I do look out at the window when I'm traveling either by bus or a car because looking at this, uh, scenery helps me to, to avoid, umm, feeling headache and at the same time, uh, I often, uh, listen to music when traveling, so it gives me a, a.

✓ Yes, I look out of the window when I'm traveling by bus or by car because looking at the scenery helps me avoid getting a headache, and at the same time I often listen to music when traveling, so it cheers me up.

Preposition errors: 'look out at the window' is not idiomatic; use 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window'. Also 'either by bus or a car' should be 'either by bus or by car' (parallel preposition) or simply 'by bus or car'. Suggestion: keep prepositions parallel and use standard collocations ('look out of the window', 'by bus', 'by car').

× Yes, I do look out at the window when I'm traveling either by bus or a car because looking at this, uh, scenery helps me to, to avoid, umm, feeling headache and at the same time, uh, I often, uh, listen to music when traveling, so it gives me a, a.

✓ Yes, I look out of the window when I'm traveling by bus or by car because looking at the scenery helps me avoid getting a headache, and at the same time I often listen to music when traveling, so it cheers me up.

Adjective/adverb misuse: 'feeling headache' is incorrect; correct phrase is 'getting a headache' or 'a headache'. Also 'so it gives me a, a.' is incomplete and unclear; use 'so it cheers me up' or 'so it makes me feel better'. Suggestion: use correct collocations for physical sensations ('get a headache') and complete the sentence with an appropriate adverbial or verb phrase.

× No, I don't take photos of the scenery when traveling because uh, using digital phones or engaging with other thing really makes me to feel nauseous because I have a motion sickness. Hence I avoid, umm, I avoid taking pictures or uh, watching, uh, smartphones while driving.

✓ No, I don't take photos of the scenery when traveling because using digital phones or engaging with other things really makes me feel nauseous since I have motion sickness. Hence I avoid taking pictures or looking at smartphones while traveling.

Gerund-related errors: 'really makes me to feel nauseous' is wrong—after 'make' the base verb is used, so 'makes me feel' is correct. 'Engaging with other thing' needs plural 'things' and a gerund or noun form 'engaging with other things'. Also 'while driving' is inappropriate because the speaker is the passenger; use 'while traveling' unless they mean driving. Suggestion: remove unnecessary 'to' after 'make', use plural 'things', and keep consistent activity descriptions ('taking pictures' and 'looking at smartphones').

× No, I don't take photos of the scenery when traveling because uh, using digital phones or engaging with other thing really makes me to feel nauseous because I have a motion sickness. Hence I avoid, umm, I avoid taking pictures or uh, watching, uh, smartphones while driving.

✓ No, I don't take photos of the scenery when traveling because using digital phones or engaging with other things really makes me feel nauseous since I have motion sickness. Hence I avoid taking pictures or looking at smartphones while traveling.

Pronoun/noun number error: 'other thing' is singular and vague; use 'other things'. Also 'a motion sickness' is incorrect article usage for an uncountable condition—use 'motion sickness' without an article. Suggestion: use plural 'things' and omit the indefinite article before illness names ('I have motion sickness').

× No, I don't take photos of the scenery when traveling because uh, using digital phones or engaging with other thing really makes me to feel nauseous because I have a motion sickness. Hence I avoid, umm, I avoid taking pictures or uh, watching, uh, smartphones while driving.

✓ No, I don't take photos of the scenery when traveling because using digital phones or engaging with other things really makes me feel nauseous since I have motion sickness. Hence I avoid taking pictures or looking at smartphones while traveling.

Article error: 'a motion sickness' is wrong because 'motion sickness' is an uncountable condition and doesn't take 'a'. Also 'watching smartphones' is odd; use 'looking at smartphones'. Suggestion: omit 'a' before 'motion sickness' and use appropriate verbs for interacting with devices.

× Hence I avoid, umm, I avoid taking pictures or uh, watching, uh, smartphones while driving.

✓ Hence I avoid taking pictures or looking at smartphones while traveling.

Preposition/verb choice: 'watching smartphones' is unnatural—use 'looking at smartphones' or 'using smartphones'. Also 'while driving' implies the speaker is driving; if they mean as a passenger while traveling, use 'while traveling'. Suggestion: choose verbs that collocate with devices ('look at', 'use') and match the correct activity ('traveling' vs 'driving').

× I prefer mountains over the sea because, uh, I'm, I love being close to nature.

✓ I prefer the mountains to the sea because I love being close to nature.

Tense/phrase and collocation: 'prefer mountains over the sea' is acceptable but more natural is 'prefer the mountains to the sea'. Also extraneous 'I'm, I love' shows disfluency—use 'I love'. Suggestion: use the common collocation 'prefer X to Y' and avoid unnecessary repetitions.

× The trees, plants, flowers always give me a piece of joy and calm.

✓ The trees, plants, and flowers always give me a sense of joy and calm.

Agreement and collocation: 'give me a piece of joy and calm' is unidiomatic. Use 'give me a sense of joy and calm' or 'bring me joy and calm'. Subject-verb agreement is fine here, but the phrase structure is incorrect, so categorized under subject-verb/phrase clarity. Suggestion: use natural collocations ('a sense of joy', 'bring me joy').

× And along with that, I love, I love taking a walk with nature to help me relax and recharge.

✓ Also, I love taking walks in nature to help me relax and recharge.

Sentence structure/redundancy: repetition 'I love, I love' and 'taking a walk with nature' is awkward. Use plural 'taking walks in nature' or 'going for walks in nature'. Suggestion: remove repetition and use natural preposition 'in nature' and pluralize 'walks' for habitual action.