Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a direct topic sentence, avoid fillers (umm), correct minor phrasing errors, and add one brief supporting detail with a linking word. Keep answers to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: Not really. I usually look at my phone to play games or chat with friends, but recently I've tried to enjoy the views outside because I find it relaxing and it helps me notice new places when I travel.

提案: Clarify meaning and remove incorrect words and fillers. Give a clear topic sentence and one specific supporting detail (when/how/why). Use linking words to improve coherence and correct vocabulary (e.g., 'scenery' not 'dictionary' or 'bills').

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window. For example, when I see a striking landscape or interesting light, I quickly take a picture with my phone so I can remember the view later.

提案: Provide a clear, consistent answer: choose one and support it with specific reasons. Avoid repeating words and fillers, and correct contradictory statements (saying you prefer mountains but then that you're 'sick of the mountains'). Use linking words (however, because) to show contrast or explanation.

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because, although I grew up surrounded by mountains, I now find coastal air and wide open views more refreshing. For instance, a trip to the beach helps me relax and feel different from my everyday environment.

× No, not really, I always watch my phone for umm playing games or chatting with my friends, but these days I try to enjoy the views aside.

✓ No, not really. I always watch my phone to play games or chat with my friends, but these days I try to enjoy the views instead.

The original sentence mixes verb forms and uses incorrect preposition 'for' with the purpose verbs. 'Watch my phone for playing' is incorrect; use 'watch my phone to play' or better 'play games on my phone' and 'chat with my friends'. 'Aside' is incorrect in this context; use 'instead' to indicate an alternative. Split into two sentences for clarity and correct present habitual tense usage.

× Yes, I like to take photos of dictionary outside umm, whenever I see umm, the beautiful scenery, I take my phone and capture that bills.

✓ Yes, I like to take photos outside. Whenever I see beautiful scenery, I take my phone and capture it.

The original contains wrong nouns 'dictionary' and 'bills' which make no sense; likely misuse or slips. Simplify to 'take photos outside' and use the pronoun 'it' to refer to 'the scenery'. Also remove filler words and correct sentence structure for clarity.

× I think I prefer the mountains to the sea umm because my hometown is surrounded by a lot of mountains.

✓ I think I prefer the mountains to the sea because my hometown is surrounded by many mountains.

'A lot of mountains' is colloquial; 'many mountains' is more appropriate. Remove filler 'umm' and keep present simple 'prefer' which is correct. This corrects style and noun quantifier usage.

× I I'm sick of the mountains, so the sea is more fresh fresh to me.

✓ I'm tired of the mountains, so the sea feels fresher to me.

'Sick of the mountains' is understandable but 'tired of' is more natural here. 'More fresh fresh' is ungrammatical and repetitive; use comparative 'fresher' and the verb 'feels' to describe perception. Remove duplicate word and contraction error ('I I'm').