Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Танай хариулт байгалийн сургуультай холбоотой мэдрэмж илэрхийлсэн сайн эхлэлтэй. Гэхдээ илүү тодорхой, грамматик зөв, богино мөртлөө үр дүнтэй хэлбэрээр хариулна. Сэдвийн өгүүлбэр эхэлж, дараа нь 1–2 дэмжих өгүүлбэр ашиглан яагаад, хаана болон ямар зураг авдаг талаараа тодруул. Түргэн давтагдал ("especially", "railway railroad") болон буруу хэлцээс зайлсхий. Мөн богино холбоосууд (because, so, when) ашиглаарай.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel, especially by train. I enjoy taking photos because trains move slowly, which gives me time to frame good shots. For example, I like capturing farms and hills along the railway because they look peaceful and colourful.

提案: Сайн санаа — цонхоор зураг авдаг гэж шууд хэлсэн. Гэхдээ үг, өгүүлбэрийн давтагдал их бөгөөд холбоос үг бага. Хариултыг 2–3 өгүүлбэрт багтааж, яагаад ингэдэг, ямар төрлийн зураг авдаг болохыг тодруулаарай. Дүрмийн алдааг ("take photo" → "take photos", "drive a bit slower"—"ask the driver to slow down") засах хэрэгтэй.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window, especially in the countryside. If we cannot stop, I ask the driver to slow down so I can capture a scene. For example, I usually photograph fields and traditional houses because they show local life.

提案: Хариулт ойлгомжтой боловч эмх цэгц муутай, давтагдал их, дутуу өгүүлбэр байна. Эхэндээ шууд сонголтоо хэлээд дараа нь шалтгаан, тодорхой жишээг нэг өгүүлбэрээр нэмж өг. Мөрийг цэвэр, богино байлгаж, дотор үг (uh, umm) хэрэглэхгүй байх. Мөн дүрмийн зөв хэлбэр ашигла ("I prefer both, but we don't have a sea in my country, so I usually take photos of mountains and lakes").

例: I like both, but since my country has no sea, I usually prefer mountains and lakes. I enjoy photographing mountain scenery because the views are dramatic and the lakes often reflect the sky, making great pictures.

× Yes indeed, I like to take photo while I'm traveling and especially when I travel by train due to the it's slow motion.

✓ Yes indeed, I like to take photos while I'm traveling, especially when I travel by train because it's slower.

The learner used 'take photo' (singular) instead of plural 'take photos' and misused 'due to the it's slow motion'. Use plural for repeated actions and 'because it's slower' compares train speed. Also 'while' and 'especially' need comma placement. Suggestion: say 'I like to take photos while I'm traveling, especially by train because it's slower.' (English (Mongolia))

× Also there is a nice view and nearby the railway railroad.

✓ Also there is a nice view near the railway.

'Nearby' as an adverb/adjective was used incorrectly with 'the railway railroad'. Use preposition 'near' + noun. 'Railway railroad' is redundant; use 'railway' or 'railroad'. Suggestion: 'there is a nice view near the railway.' (English (Mongolia))

× Yes, usually I ask driver to drive a bit slower and I take photo when we don't have enough time to stop by and take some pictures.

✓ Yes, usually I ask the driver to drive a bit slower, and I take photos when we don't have enough time to stop and take pictures.

Missing article 'the' before 'driver' and 'take photo' should be plural 'take photos'. 'Stop by' is colloquial; 'stop' is sufficient. Suggestion: include articles and use plural for repeated actions. (English (Mongolia))

× Yeah, when we travel countryside, usually I take photo.

✓ Yeah, when we travel in the countryside, I usually take photos.

'Travel countryside' lacks preposition 'in the' and 'take photo' should be plural 'take photos'. Also 'usually' placement is better before verb. Suggestion: 'when we travel in the countryside, I usually take photos.' (English (Mongolia))

× I prefer both of them, but unfortunately we don't have uh, sea in our country, so I would like, I like to take photo of mountain and be guest lakes of my motherland.

✓ I prefer both, but unfortunately we don't have a sea in our country, so I would like to take photos of mountains and the beautiful lakes of my homeland.

Errors: 'both of them' is okay but 'both' is simpler; missing article 'a' before 'sea'; 'take photo of mountain' needs plural 'take photos of mountains'; 'be guest lakes' is incorrect—likely meant 'beautiful lakes' or 'scenic lakes'; 'motherland' is better as 'homeland'. Suggestion: use correct articles, plural nouns for general references, and correct adjectives. (English (Mongolia))

× And I do have a very umm.

✓ And I do have a very beautiful memory of them. (Or: And I do have many beautiful memories.)

The original is incomplete and stops mid-thought. Provide a complete clause with an object, e.g., 'a very beautiful memory' or 'many beautiful memories.' Suggestion: always finish the sentence with a clear noun phrase. (English (Mongolia))