Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid fillers (uh, um). Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details connected with linking words. Reduce repetition (e.g. "scenery" repeated) and correct small grammar issues (drop the article before 'car' and use 'phones' instead of 'mobiles').

例: Yes — I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I find watching the landscape relaxing, especially when I see parks or historic buildings, so I avoid using my phone and just enjoy the view.

提案: Remove hesitation markers and tighten the structure: a direct topic sentence, one reason with a specific example, and a brief result. Use correct singular/plural (use 'scenery' not 'sceneries') and more precise vocabulary (e.g. 'landscape' or 'natural scenes').

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window because I have loved photography since childhood. For example, I photograph rivers and tree-lined roads, then look at these pictures later to help me relax.

提案: Give a clear opening sentence stating your preference, then support it with two concise, specific reasons and an example. Avoid repetition ("come from come from") and filler words. Use slightly richer vocabulary (e.g. 'coast' or 'seaside') and correct tense/form ("I have preferred the sea since childhood").

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because I find the sound of waves soothing and seawater refreshing. For instance, I often walk along the seaside when I'm stressed, and the fresh sea air quickly helps me feel better.

× Yes, I do look out the window at the scenery while travelling by bus or a car.

✓ Yes, I do look out the window at the scenery while travelling by bus or by car.

Use parallel prepositional phrases for consistency: 'by bus' and 'by car'. The original mixes 'a car' with 'by bus', causing awkwardness. Replace 'a car' with 'by car' to match form and maintain present simple tense.

× And also uh, on the other hand, I do not uh like to watch mobiles or digital screens while traveling, so I prefer looking outside, which gives me a lot of peace.

✓ Also, I do not like to watch mobile phones or digital screens while travelling, so I prefer looking outside because it gives me a lot of peace.

'And also' plus 'on the other hand' is redundant and contradictory. Use one connector. 'Mobiles' is informal; 'mobile phones' is clearer. 'Which gives me a lot of peace' is awkward; use 'because it gives me a lot of peace' to show cause. Keep present simple tense.

× Yes, I love taking photos of the sceneries outside the window, uh, because, uh, since my childhood, I'm very passionate about the photography and I also love the sceneries, uh, of the nature.

✓ Yes, I love taking photos of the scenery outside the window because, since my childhood, I have been very passionate about photography and I also love the beauty of nature.

'Scenery' and 'nature' are uncountable and should not be pluralized as 'sceneries' or 'the nature'. Use 'scenery' and 'nature' without articles. 'Photography' as a noun does not need 'the'. Use present perfect continuous 'have been very passionate' to express a continuing state from childhood to present.

× They are so pleasant and peaceful. I love capturing them and watching them again when I feel stressed out.

✓ They are so pleasant and peaceful. I love capturing them and looking at the photos again when I feel stressed.

'Watching them again' is odd for photos; use 'looking at the photos again'. 'Stressed out' is informal but acceptable; 'stressed' is more neutral. Maintain present simple for habits.

× I prefer seas over mountains since my childhood.

✓ I have preferred the sea to the mountains since my childhood.

Use 'prefer A to B' structure. 'Seas' and 'mountains' are generic here; use 'the sea' and 'the mountains' or 'the sea' vs 'mountains'. Use present perfect 'have preferred' with 'since my childhood' to indicate a preference continuing from past to present.

× I love water a lot. Uh water calms my mind and also I love the waves that come from come from the sea.

✓ I love water a lot. The water calms my mind, and I also love the waves that come from the sea.

Add 'the' before 'water' when referring to water in general as a calming element in this context. Remove repeated phrase 'come from'. Keep present simple tense for general truths.

× Sea feels like a therapy to me personally so I often visit sea when I feel low.

✓ The sea feels like therapy to me personally, so I often visit the sea when I feel low.

Add definite article 'the' before 'sea' when referring to the sea in general. 'Therapy' does not need 'a' in this idiomatic use: 'feel like therapy' or 'feels therapeutic'. Also repeat 'the sea' for clarity in the second clause. Maintain present simple for habitual action.