Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler words (umm), correct vocabulary (e.g. "classical music"), and give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Keep it within 2–4 sentences.

例: No, I usually don’t look out the window. Instead, I listen to classical music and close my eyes to relax because the journey is a good opportunity to meditate. However, if the view looks unusually beautiful, I might glance outside for a moment.

提案: Improve clarity and grammar: begin with a direct answer, avoid repetition, correct collocations (e.g. "commuting to work"), and finish the thought with a specific example. Use linking words like "but" and "so" to connect ideas and keep sentences short.

例: Not usually when I’m commuting to work because the scenery is ordinary and I prefer to focus on getting to the office. But when I’m on holiday I take a lot of photos so I can remember the places I visit, for example, I always photograph colourful streets and landscapes.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and add specific, correctly phrased details. Remove hesitations and minor errors (e.g. "swimming", not "swimming school"). Use linking words to list reasons and add one brief contrast if possible.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy water activities such as swimming and scuba diving, and the lively beach atmosphere energises me. Also, the sea offers relaxing views, whereas the mountains feel quieter and more secluded, so I usually choose the coast for a fun holiday.

× I usually umm, listen to music and close my eyes because I have classic so umm, I think the time is very good to meditate and I'm thinking calmly as well, so I normally don't look out the window.

✓ I usually listen to music and close my eyes because I have classical music, so I think the time is very good for meditating and I think calmly as well, so I normally don't look out the window.

Errors: awkward filler words removed and word choice corrected ('classic' -> 'classical music'), preposition and verb form fixed ('good to meditate' -> 'good for meditating'), and 'I'm thinking calmly' changed to 'I think calmly' to fit simple present habit. Suggestion: avoid fillers, use correct noun form for music, use 'good for' + -ing to express suitability, and keep consistent simple present for habitual actions.

× Umm, when I'm committing to work, I barely take photos of the scenery because it's it's very normal for me and there's no no interesting thing. I just focus on going to the work.

✓ When I'm commuting to work, I rarely take photos of the scenery because it's very normal for me and there is nothing interesting. I just focus on going to work.

Errors: 'committing' is incorrect form; correct verb is 'commuting' (present participle of commute when describing ongoing action), 'barely' often misused—'rarely' is better for frequency, double words removed, 'there's no no interesting thing' corrected to 'there is nothing interesting', and 'going to the work' corrected to 'going to work' (no article). Suggestion: use 'commuting' for travel to work, use 'rarely' for low frequency, and use 'nothing' to negate a noun phrase.

× But when I'm traveling to outside, I take a photos a lot because I want to remember the.

✓ But when I'm traveling abroad, I take a lot of photos because I want to remember them.

Errors: 'traveling to outside' is incorrect; use 'traveling abroad' or 'traveling outside' without 'to'. Article and noun order wrong: 'take a photos a lot' -> 'take a lot of photos'. Sentence ended with incomplete object 'remember the' changed to 'remember them'. Suggestion: use correct collocations ('traveling abroad', 'a lot of photos') and ensure pronouns match earlier noun ('them' for photos).

× I love the sea because I enjoy the water activities like swimming school, scuba diving and the atmosphere of this beach is very energetic and, uh, that make me excited.

✓ I love the sea because I enjoy water activities like swimming, snorkeling and scuba diving, and the atmosphere of the beach is very energetic, which makes me excited.

Errors: 'swimming school' is incorrect choice—likely meant 'swimming' or 'swimming lessons' or 'snorkeling'; quantifier/list structure fixed. Subject-verb agreement 'that make me excited' corrected to 'which makes me excited' to agree with singular 'atmosphere'. Suggestion: use parallel structure in lists, choose correct activity names, and ensure verb agrees with its subject; use 'which' to add a clause referring to the preceding noun.

× So yeah, I love sea.

✓ So yeah, I love the sea.

Error: missing definite article 'the' before 'sea' when speaking generally about the sea as a specific natural entity. Suggestion: use 'the sea' when talking about the sea in general contexts.