Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Votre réponse est claire et naturelle, mais contient quelques erreurs lexicales et des répétitions. Travaillez la précision du vocabulaire (par ex. “squirrel on my phone” est incorrect) et raccourcissez légèrement pour éviter la redondance. Utilisez un seul lien logique pour organiser l’idée (par ex. “so” ou “therefore”) et ajoutez un exemple concret bref pour étayer l’affirmation.

例: Yes, I enjoy looking out of the window when I travel by car because I get carsick if I stare at my phone. So I usually gaze outside and appreciate the passing scenery; sometimes I notice small villages or interesting architecture, which makes the journey more enjoyable.

提案: La réponse est compréhensible mais hésitante et incomplète. Évitez les pauses inutilement longues et terminez votre phrase clairement. Donnez un exemple précis d’un moment où vous avez pris une photo et utilisez un lien logique pour expliquer pourquoi vous le faites.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window because I want to capture interesting scenes. For example, once I photographed a small mountain village with colorful houses as we drove past; the picture reminded me of that peaceful moment.

提案: Bonne réponse avec des raisons claires et des exemples d’activités. Corrigez quelques maladresses grammaticales (par ex. « my country, the weather is scorching hot ») et éliminez les hésitations verbales. Condensez légèrement pour rester dans la limite de 5 phrases et utilisez des connecteurs comme “because” et “for example”.

例: I prefer the sea because the climate in my country is very hot, and the beach helps me cool down. For example, I enjoy swimming, playing beach volleyball and eating ice cream there, so the seaside is more relaxing and fun for me.

× Yes, I enjoy looking out the window at the scenery when traveling by car because I get carsick easily if I squirrel on my phone or just sit still.

✓ Yes, I enjoy looking out the window at the scenery when traveling by car because I get carsick easily if I stare at my phone or just sit still.

The phrase 'squirrel on my phone' is incorrect and unidiomatic. The intended meaning is to focus on or look at the phone; 'stare at my phone' or 'look at my phone' are correct. Use of 'squirrel' as a verb here is wrong. Suggestion: replace with 'stare at' or 'use' depending on intended nuance.

× Therefore, most of the time I prefer to gaze outside and enjoy the view.

✓ Therefore, most of the time I prefer to gaze out the window and enjoy the view.

The verb 'gaze' usually takes a prepositional complement such as 'out' or 'out of the window' in this context. 'Gaze outside' is understandable but 'gaze out the window' is more natural. Suggestion: use 'gaze out the window' or 'gaze outside at the view.'

× Sometimes I discover something new and refreshing and I find it really interesting.

✓ Sometimes I discover something new and refreshing, and I find it really interesting.

The original sentence is grammatically acceptable but needs a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' joining two independent clauses. Suggestion: add the comma for correct punctuation and clarity.

× Yes, I really like to take the photos of scenery outside the car window because. Umm. When will I pass by some uh, umm, little village or beautiful views and think it's really fascinating?

✓ Yes, I really like to take photos of the scenery outside the car window because when I pass by a little village or a beautiful view, I think it's really fascinating.

The original contains fragmented sentences and incorrect word order ('because. Umm. When will I pass by...'). Also 'take the photos of scenery' is awkward: use 'take photos of the scenery'. 'When will I pass by' is wrong tense and word order; it should be 'when I pass by' (present simple) to describe habitual events. Suggestion: combine fragments into a single coherent sentence and use 'a little village' and 'a beautiful view' for natural countable nouns.

× I would say I prefer the sea because my country, the weather is scorching hot and the beach helps me feel refreshed and cools me down a bit.

✓ I would say I prefer the sea because in my country the weather is scorching hot, and the beach helps me feel refreshed and cools me down a bit.

The clause 'my country, the weather is scorching hot' lacks a preposition and correct clause structure. It should be 'in my country the weather is scorching hot' or 'because my country has scorching hot weather.' Suggestion: include 'in' and restructure to make the relationship clear; add a comma before 'and' joining independent clauses.

× And also there are lots of activities that I can do such as beach volleyball, swimming and eating ice cream.

✓ There are also lots of activities I can do, such as beach volleyball, swimming, and eating ice cream.

Beginning with 'And also' is informal and redundant; 'There are also' is better. A comma is needed before the list and a serial comma improves clarity. Suggestion: start with 'There are also' and include commas to separate list items.

× Uh, which is why I enjoy it so much.

✓ That is why I enjoy it so much.

'Which is why...' as a sentence fragment is informal; it is better to use 'That is why I enjoy it so much' to form a complete sentence. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments in formal speech and use 'That's/That is why...' instead.