Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrases (e.g., "natural habitat" and "sceneries" used awkwardly). Watch for hesitations and grammar ("I'm very which I'm very attracted to" is incorrect).

例: I often look out of the window when I travel because I enjoy natural scenery. For example, seeing forests and rivers relaxes me and makes the journey more interesting, so I usually spend the trip watching the view.

提案: Give a clear main idea, then provide specific reasons and a brief example. Use linking words (for example, because, so) and correct expressions ("capture the movement" should be "capture the view" or "capture the moment"). Avoid hesitations and redundant words like "very, I feel very".

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery because it calms me and helps me remember trips. For example, when I see mountains or rivers I take a few pictures to capture the light and the colours, and later I look at them to relive the experience.

提案: Answer directly and clearly with correct vocabulary. Start with a topic sentence (I prefer the sea), then add one or two specific reasons using linking words. Avoid pronunciation/word-choice errors ("sick person" is wrong; you probably meant "sea person" or "beach person") and hesitations.

例: I prefer the sea because being near water energises and relaxes me. For instance, swimming or walking along the beach helps me feel peaceful and refreshed after a busy week.

× Yes, I do look out at the windows and I like the view outside when I'm traveling somewhere because I'm very inclined to the natural habitat and also I love the beautiful sceneries of nature and I'm very which I'm very attracted to.

✓ Yes, I do look out of the window and I like the view outside when I'm traveling somewhere because I'm very drawn to natural scenery and I love the beauty of nature, which really attracts me.

The sentence uses awkward or incorrect adjectives and collocations: 'inclined to the natural habitat' and 'beautiful sceneries of nature' are unnatural. Use 'drawn to' or 'attracted to' for preference. 'Scenery' is uncountable so do not pluralize as 'sceneries.' Also 'which I'm very which I'm very attracted to' is a repetition and ungrammatical; replace with a clear relative clause 'which really attracts me.' Additionally change 'look out at the windows' to 'look out of the window' for correct preposition and article usage.

× Yes, I do look out at the windows and I like the view outside when I'm traveling somewhere because I'm very inclined to the natural habitat and also I love the beautiful sceneries of nature and I'm very which I'm very attracted to.

✓ Yes, I do look out of the window and I like the view outside when I'm traveling somewhere because I'm very drawn to natural scenery and I love the beauty of nature, which really attracts me.

'Look out at' and 'look out at the windows' are incorrect collocations here; use 'look out of the window' for viewing from inside. 'Inclined to' is not the best preposition for attraction; use 'drawn to' or 'attracted to.' Also 'natural habitat' refers to ecosystems for organisms, not general scenery; use 'natural scenery.'

× Yes, I do look out at the windows and I like the view outside when I'm traveling somewhere because I'm very inclined to the natural habitat and also I love the beautiful sceneries of nature and I'm very which I'm very attracted to.

✓ Yes, I do look out of the window and I like the view outside when I'm traveling somewhere because I'm very drawn to natural scenery and I love the beauty of nature, which really attracts me.

'The windows' implies specific windows; in general statements use 'the window' or simply 'out of the window.' Also 'the natural habitat' is inappropriate; drop 'the' and use 'natural scenery'.

× I do like to take pictures of the beautiful sceneries when I'm traveling somewhere because when whenever I see mountains and rivers, then I get very, I feel very calm and peaceful.

✓ I like to take pictures of beautiful scenery when I'm traveling because whenever I see mountains and rivers I feel calm and peaceful.

'Sceneries' is incorrect; 'scenery' is an uncountable noun and should not be pluralized. Remove redundant words: 'do like' can be simplified to 'like,' and 'when whenever' is redundant—use one conjunction.

× I do like to take pictures of the beautiful sceneries when I'm traveling somewhere because when whenever I see mountains and rivers, then I get very, I feel very calm and peaceful.

✓ I like to take pictures of beautiful scenery when I'm traveling because whenever I see mountains and rivers I feel calm and peaceful.

The original sentence has redundancy ('do like', 'when whenever', 'then I get very, I feel very') and disfluent pauses. Combine clauses cleanly and remove fillers to improve clarity and grammatical correctness.

× And I really want you to capture the movement. So I do like to do that.

✓ And I really want to capture the movement, so I like doing that.

The original 'I really want you to capture the movement' incorrectly addresses the listener ('you') rather than stating the speaker's intention. Use the correct pronoun 'to capture' with the subject 'I.' Also 'do like to do that' is wordy; use 'like doing that.'

× Personally, I'm a sea person, like I really like water and whenever I'm playing in the water I I, it just makes me feel more energetic and I feel very peaceful.

✓ Personally, I'm a sea person; I really like water, and whenever I'm in the water it makes me feel more energetic and peaceful.

Redundant wording 'like I really like' and repeated 'I' should be removed. Use 'in the water' instead of 'playing in the water' for conciseness unless 'playing' is intended. Remove duplicate comma and streamline adjectives: 'more energetic and peaceful.'

× So I'm a sick person for sure.

✓ So I'm a sea person for sure.

The speaker likely meant 'sea person' (someone who prefers the sea) but wrote 'sick person,' which is a wrong word. This is a word choice error; replace with the intended phrase. If 'sea person' is informal, alternatives include 'I definitely prefer the sea.'