Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid fillers (e.g. “umm”) and correct grammar (verb forms and prepositions). Use one or two specific supporting details and a linking word. For example, say you look out the window to relax and notice a specific thing you enjoy (fields, buildings, people), and explain briefly why.

例: Yes, I often look out the window when travelling by bus or car. For example, I enjoy watching green fields and small villages because they help me relax after a busy day. Also, looking at the scenery keeps me off my phone, which makes the journey feel more refreshing.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and a specific reason; avoid repetition and informal phrases like “'cause” and vague expressions such as “different kind of attachment.” Use one linking phrase (e.g. "because" or "so") and provide a concrete example of what you photograph.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery from the car window because I like to keep memories of places I visit. For instance, I usually photograph old houses or interesting cloud formations so I can look back at them later and remember the trip.

提案: Answer directly and avoid saying you prefer both without clear comparison. Use linking words (e.g. "however", "because") and correct grammar (articles, verb forms). Give specific details about what you like in each and then state a preference or say you enjoy both for different reasons.

例: I enjoy both the mountains and the sea for different reasons. For example, I like the mountains because the fresh air and quiet walking trails help me clear my mind; however, I also love the sea because the sound of waves relaxes me and gives a sense of peace.

× Yes I do because I think that when we are traveling we just don't have to umm, stuck in our phone.

✓ Yes, I do, because I think that when we are traveling we don't have to be stuck on our phones.

The original sentence mixes incorrect verb forms and prepositions: 'don't have to stuck' is ungrammatical because 'have to' requires base verb (be) plus past participle for passive ('be stuck'), and the preposition with 'phones' should be 'on'. Also plural 'phones' fits general usage. Suggestion: use 'don't have to be stuck on our phones' to express lack of necessity and correct passive structure. Note: keep present continuous 'are traveling' and present simple 'don't have to' consistent.

× We have to look up in from the window and see the beautiful area around us have positive energy and provide us also positive energy.

✓ We have to look out of the window and see the beautiful area around us that has positive energy and also gives us positive energy.

Several errors: 'look up in from the window' uses wrong prepositions and order — the correct phrase is 'look out of the window' or 'look out the window'. 'Area around us have' has subject-verb disagreement and missing connector — 'area' is singular so use 'has', and add 'that' to link clauses. 'Provide us also positive energy' has awkward word order; use 'also gives us positive energy'. Suggestion: simplify to 'look out of the window and see the beautiful area around us that has positive energy and also gives us positive energy.'

× Yeah, every time, because I just want to collect the memories every time I go outside 'cause it just connect me with the different kind of attachment.

✓ Yes, every time, because I just want to collect memories every time I go out, because it just connects me with a different kind of attachment.

Errors: 'collect the memories' — article 'the' is unnecessary; use 'collect memories'. 'Go outside' is acceptable but 'go out' is more natural for trips. 'Cause' should be written 'because' in formal speech, but kept here as 'because'. 'It just connect me' has subject-verb disagreement: 'it' requires 'connects'. 'Different kind of attachment' needs an article: 'a different kind of attachment'. Suggestion: correct verb agreement and articles and prefer 'collect memories' and 'go out'.

× I prefer both mountains or sea and the sea cause mountains provide us free air to breathe and it just calm our mind and the sea provide us peace and it calm our soul.

✓ I prefer both the mountains and the sea, because mountains provide us with fresh air to breathe and they calm our minds, and the sea provides us with peace and calms our soul.

Multiple issues: 'prefer both mountains or sea and the sea' mixes conjunctions incorrectly — use 'both...and'. Articles are needed: 'the mountains and the sea'. 'Cause' should be 'because' in formal correction. 'Provide us free air' needs preposition and adjective: 'provide us with fresh air'. Subject-verb agreement: 'it just calm our mind' should be 'they calm our minds' (mountains plural) and 'the sea provide' should be 'the sea provides'. Consistent plural/singular references and correct verb forms are required. Suggestion: use 'both the mountains and the sea' and ensure verbs agree with their subjects and add 'with' after 'provide'.