Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct minor grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Correct tense and word choice errors (e.g., 'travelling', 'in a car', 'when I woke up', 'rising over us' or 'rising outside'). Avoid redundancy like repeating transport modes.

例: Yes — I often look out of the window when I travel by bus, car or train. For example, on a night train in Germany I woke up to see the sun rising over the fields, which was an amazing and peaceful experience.

提案: Improve grammatical accuracy and clarity. Use one clear topic sentence then give specific examples and fewer hesitations. Replace vague or incorrect words ('greeneries', 'St. landscape') with precise terms like 'green countryside' or 'urban landscape'. Use linking words such as 'for example' or 'especially' to organise details.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery from the car window. For example, I’ll photograph a clear blue sky, rolling green countryside, or an interesting urban skyline, especially when the light makes the scene look dramatic.

提案: Remove filler words and correct grammar and sentence structure. Start with a direct answer, then give two clear, specific reasons connected with linking words. Fix agreement and word order errors (e.g., 'mountains are', 'by staying in the mountains, being in nature helps you relax').

例: I prefer the mountains. I enjoy the green scenery and forests, and being in the mountains helps me relax because the air is fresh and everything feels quieter than at the coast.

× Yes, I look out the window a lot when I'm traveling, not only by bus or on the car but also on a train.

✓ Yes, I look out the window a lot when I'm traveling, not only by bus or in the car but also on a train.

Use of prepositions with transport: use 'in the car' (inside a car) and 'on a train' (onboard a train). 'On the car' is incorrect for being inside a car. Replace 'on the car' with 'in the car' to be natural and grammatically correct.

× There was a time I travelled on a night train in Germany and when I wake woke up I could see the sun rising from us from the window and it was an amazing experience.

✓ There was a time I travelled on a night train in Germany and when I woke up I could see the sun rising outside from the window, and it was an amazing experience.

Mixed and incorrect verb forms: 'wake woke up' is redundant and wrong. Use simple past 'woke up' to match 'travelled' and 'could see'. Also 'rising from us from the window' is unclear; use 'rising outside from the window' or simply 'rising outside, visible from the window'. Ensure consistent past tense for the narrative.

× Yes, I take photos of the scenery whenever I see a spectacular view, whether it's just a beautiful clear blue skies or whether it's greeneries, whether it's even St. landscape can be beautiful outside the car window.

✓ Yes, I take photos of the scenery whenever I see a spectacular view, whether it's just a beautiful clear blue sky, or greenery, or even a strange landscape; everything can be beautiful outside the car window.

Article and noun form errors: 'clear blue skies' should be singular 'clear blue sky' after 'it's' because 'it is a...'; 'greeneries' is not natural—use 'greenery' (uncountable). 'St. landscape' appears to be a typo; replace with 'strange landscape' or 'different landscape'. Add articles where needed and use parallel structure 'or ... or ...' for clarity.

× Umm I would say I prefer the mountains. I enjoy the greenery and spending time next to trees a lot more. I think mountains has just by staying in timing the nature helps you to relax a lot.

✓ Umm I would say I prefer the mountains. I enjoy the greenery and spending time among trees a lot more. I think mountains, just by being in them and spending time in nature, help you to relax a lot.

Several errors: 'next to trees' is not idiomatic—use 'among trees' or 'by trees'. 'Mountains has' is subject-verb disagreement; 'mountains' is plural so use 'help' not 'helps' and adjust structure: 'just by being in them' clarifies meaning. 'staying in timing the nature' is ungrammatical—replace with 'spending time in nature'.