Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct basic grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence that directly answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler sounds (um, uh) and repeated words. Also correct tense and word choice (e.g., 'use my phone' not 'playing the phone'; 'I prefer to travel by bus' not 'prefer to through the bus tour').

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel by bus or car. For example, on long bus trips I enjoy watching changing landscapes because it helps me learn about local life and saves time compared with stopping frequently. Therefore, I often choose bus tours to see more places and appreciate the scenery.

提案: Answer directly and use clearer phrasing and grammar. Begin with a direct statement, then give a specific reason and an example, using linking words like 'because' or 'so'. Replace unclear phrases ('say different views', 'for memorial') with precise language ('see different views', 'as a memento').

例: Yes, I often take photos from the car window because I can capture unique scenes quickly. For instance, on a road trip last year I photographed the countryside at sunset so I could remember the atmosphere and share it with my family later.

提案: Give a clear choice first, then support it with two concise, specific reasons linked logically. Correct awkward phrases ('the safe front', 'I didn't get as much') and tense errors. Avoid hesitation and aim for natural vocabulary (e.g., 'coast' or 'seafront' instead of 'safe front').

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy hiking in quiet, clean areas with fresh air and scenic views. Although I like walking along the coast, I rarely swim, so the mountains suit my interests better.

× Umm compared to playing the phone, the scenery outside is much more attractive.

✓ Compared to playing on the phone, the scenery outside is much more attractive.

The phrase 'playing the phone' incorrectly uses 'playing' without the preposition 'on' and misuses 'the phone' as an object; 'playing on the phone' is the natural collocation for using a phone for entertainment. Use 'on the phone' to indicate using the device.

× I when I go travel I prefer to through the bus tour.

✓ When I travel, I prefer to go on a bus tour.

The original sentence has redundant words and incorrect word order ('I when I go travel'). 'Go on a bus tour' is the correct collocation; move the time phrase to the beginning and remove the extra 'I' for clear structure.

× that can save my time to visit more places and enjoy the the beauty.

✓ That can save me time so I can visit more places and enjoy the beauty.

Use 'save me time' not 'save my time.' Add a connector ('so I can') to show purpose. Also remove duplicate 'the' and ensure infinitive 'to visit' follows clear subject reference.

× Yes, when you are on the car you you could say different views from the window and I'd like to take my camera when I travel and take a picture for different views for memorial.

✓ Yes, when you are in the car you can see different views from the window, and I'd like to take my camera when I travel and take pictures to remember them.

Use 'in the car' not 'on the car.' 'Could say' is wrong for perceiving; use 'can see.' Remove duplicate 'you.' 'Take a picture for different views for memorial' is awkward: use 'take pictures to remember them.' 'Memorial' is incorrect in this context.

× It helps me to remember the place and the feeling I had there.

✓ It helps me remember the place and the feelings I had there.

Use 'remember' without 'to' after 'helps' (helps someone do something). 'Feeling' should be plural 'feelings' to match 'place and feelings' or to express multiple impressions.

× Or the sea is a hard question for me of I enjoy them both.

✓ The question of whether I prefer the mountains or the sea is hard for me because I enjoy them both.

Original sentence misuses 'Or' and 'of' and has poor clause linkage. Rephrase to 'The question of whether... is hard for me because...' to connect ideas correctly.

× If I have to choose one, I'd like to choose the mountain.

✓ If I have to choose one, I'd choose the mountains.

'Choose the mountain' is unnatural; use plural 'the mountains' to contrast with 'the sea.' Also 'I'd like to choose' is wordy; 'I'd choose' is more natural in this hypothetical.

× Uh, I enjoy hiking on the in the quiet clean mountains because it has fresh air and beautiful scenery, whereas I enjoy walking alongside the safe front.

✓ I enjoy hiking in the quiet, clean mountains because they have fresh air and beautiful scenery, whereas I enjoy walking along the seafront.

Use 'in the mountains' not 'on the in the.' 'Mountains' plural requires 'they have' not 'it has.' 'Clean' needs a comma as coordinate adjective. 'Alongside the safe front' is incorrect; 'seafront' or 'seaside' are correct nouns and 'along' is the proper preposition.

× But I cannot swim so I didn't get as much.

✓ But I cannot swim, so I don't get as much out of it.

The tense shifts inconsistently: 'cannot swim' is present, so follow with present: 'don't get.' Also 'get as much' is vague; 'get as much out of it' clarifies meaning (enjoyment or benefit).