Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct small grammar mistakes. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repetition (e.g., 'views' and 'landscapes' used twice) and correct article and preposition errors ('on bus' → 'on a bus'; 'keep it in in mind' → 'keep them in my memory').

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel by bus to other cities. For example, I enjoy watching rolling hills and changing weather, and sometimes I take photos to remember particularly striking scenes.

提案: Remove filler words and refine sentence structure. Begin with a clear direct statement, then give a specific reason and an example. Avoid contradictory conjunctions ('Although... but') and unfinished sentences. Use linking words like 'because' or 'so' to connect ideas.

例: I'm not a photographer, but I often take photos when I travel because I want to preserve memories of the scenery. For instance, I might record a short video of a sunset or snap a picture of a distinctive mountain range.

提案: Give a brief clear preference sentence then support with specific reasons and one succinct example. Remove hesitations and fix grammar (e.g., 'Although I'm a good swimmer' and avoid 'but' after 'although'). Use linking words like 'because' and 'for example' for coherence.

例: I prefer the mountains to the sea because the views are more varied and interesting. For example, from the mountains near my hometown you can often see small villages and even the clouds below you, which makes the scenery feel unique.

× Yes, I do look out the window when I'm on bus going to other cities.

✓ Yes, I do look out of the window when I'm on a bus going to other cities.

Missing preposition 'of' after 'look out' and missing article 'a' before 'bus'. Use 'look out of the window' for observing outside and 'on a bus' for a nonspecific vehicle. Also add 'a' to match singular countable noun. Suggestion: say 'I look out of the window when I'm on a bus going to other cities.'

× I really love seeing the views, the landscapes and enjoy the weather.

✓ I really love seeing the views and landscapes and enjoying the weather.

Parallel structure error: verbs after 'love' should be in the same form. Use gerunds for coordinated activities: 'seeing' and 'enjoying'. Also remove the extra article 'the' before 'landscapes' unless referring to specific landscapes. Suggestion: keep verb forms parallel: 'I love seeing... and enjoying...'.

× And yeah, I try even sometimes to take photos to capture those views and just keep it in in mind and my memories.

✓ And yeah, I even sometimes try to take photos to capture those views and keep them in my mind and memory.

Word order and redundancy issues: 'even sometimes' is better as 'even sometimes' or 'sometimes even'; 'try' and 'sometimes' placement improved for natural flow. Remove duplicated 'in' and use 'keep them in my mind and memory' (use plural 'views' matched by 'them'). Suggestion: 'I sometimes even try to take photos to capture those views and keep them in my memory.'.

× Although I am not into photography, but yeah, every time I travel, I try to take photos of the scenery, uh, to take like short memories, trying to capture those, uh, landscapes and those moment free this moment.

✓ Although I am not into photography, I still try to take photos of the scenery every time I travel to capture those landscapes and moments.

Do not use both 'although' and 'but' together; they are redundant. Remove filler words and awkward phrases like 'to take like short memories' and 'those moment free this moment'. Use 'still' or 'I still' to show contrast. Use plural 'moments' to match context. Suggestion: 'Although I am not into photography, I still try to take photos of the scenery to capture those landscapes and moments.'.

× And yeah, even, uh, sometimes I try to take videos just to.

✓ And yeah, sometimes I even try to take videos as well.

Sentence is incomplete ('just to' expects an infinitive). Remove fillers and complete the idea: 'take videos as well' conveys intention. Alternatively specify purpose: 'just to capture the scene.' Suggestion: finish the sentence or remove 'just to'.

× I would prefer the mountains much more than the sea.

✓ I prefer the mountains much more than the sea.

Using 'would prefer' suggests conditional contrast; simple present 'prefer' is more natural for general preferences. Both are possible, but simpler present tense fits the question about preference. Suggestion: use 'I prefer the mountains to the sea' or 'I prefer the mountains much more than the sea.'.

× Although I'm like good, uh, swimmer, but I prefer the mountains because of the view from the mountains you can see like different things.

✓ Although I'm a good swimmer, I prefer the mountains because from the mountains you can see many different things.

Remove filler 'like' and the redundant 'although... but' combination. Add article 'a' before 'good swimmer'. Insert comma and restructure for clarity: 'because from the mountains you can see many different things.' Use 'many different things' instead of 'like different things'. Suggestion: 'Although I'm a good swimmer, I prefer the mountains because you can see many different things from them.'.

× You can see the small villages if they are there, how they people people live.

✓ You can see small villages if they are there and how people live.

Incorrect word order and repeated word 'people'. Remove 'the' before 'small villages' unless specific villages are meant. Use 'how people live' for correct word order. Suggestion: 'You can see small villages and how people live.'.

× You can see, especially in my hometown, you can see the clouds underneath you.

✓ You can see, especially in my hometown, clouds beneath you.

Reduce repetition and use the correct preposition 'beneath' or 'below' instead of 'underneath you' for a more natural expression. Remove second 'you can see' to avoid redundancy. Suggestion: 'Especially in my hometown, you can see clouds beneath you.'.