Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use a clear topic sentence, then add one specific supporting detail. Avoid repetition (bus or car or train), correct small errors (greeneries → greenery), and use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I usually look out the window on long journeys. For example, when I travel by bus or train I enjoy watching the passing greenery and small towns, because it helps me relax and notice local life.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, simplify and correct vocabulary (greeneries → greenery; overtime → over time), and give one clear reason with a linking word. Avoid repeating phrases like 'digital photos or digital memories'.

例: No, I don't usually take photos of scenery. I prefer to look with my own eyes and form mental memories, because I find that photographs can distract me and real impressions feel more lasting.

提案: Give a direct answer, correct word choice (steel → still), and provide one specific supporting detail or example linked with a reason. Keep it to two or three sentences and avoid repeating the same idea.

例: I prefer the mountains to the sea because I enjoy quiet, still places. For instance, hiking in the mountains helps me unwind and I like the slow pace and fresh air compared with the constant movement of waves.

× Yes I do, whenever I visit a destination in a longer journey in bus or car or you can say in train.

✓ Yes, I do, whenever I take a longer journey by bus, car, or train.

Use of articles and prepositions is incorrect: say 'take a journey' not 'visit a destination in a longer journey', and use 'by bus/car/train' with no article for modes of transport. Add commas and 'or' list punctuation for clarity. Suggested improvement: say 'take a longer journey by bus, car, or train.'

× Also I look out the window to see the greeneries and if even if there is no greenery outside I tend to look out.

✓ I also look out the window to see the greenery, and even if there is no greenery outside, I still tend to look.

Use 'greenery' (uncountable) instead of 'greeneries'. Remove redundant 'if even if'. Add 'still' for natural phrasing. Improve punctuation and conjunction use. Suggested improvement: replace 'greeneries' with 'greenery' and avoid redundant conjunctions.

× No, I don't because I believe in seeing the greeneries and the outside city or town in my own natural eyes and memorize it in my brain rather than taking digital photos or digital memories with me because it fades overtime.

✓ No, I don't, because I prefer to see the greenery and the outside city or town with my own eyes and remember it, rather than taking digital photos, because digital memories can fade over time.

Errors: 'greeneries' should be 'greenery' (uncountable). 'in my own natural eyes' is awkward; use 'with my own eyes'. 'memorize it in my brain' is unnatural; use 'remember it'. 'overtime' is incorrect for 'over time' (two words). Also improve punctuation and redundancy ('digital photos or digital memories' unnecessary repetition). Suggested improvement: use concise phrases like 'prefer to see...with my own eyes and remember it' and write 'over time' as two words.

× I obviously prefer mountains more than the sea because I like steel, calm places rather than constant motion of the waves or any movements.

✓ I obviously prefer the mountains to the sea because I like still, calm places rather than the constant motion of the waves.

Use definite article 'the mountains' and 'the sea' when comparing general categories. 'Prefer X to Y' is the correct construction, not 'prefer X more than Y'. 'steel' is a typo for 'still'. Use 'the constant motion' with article and remove 'or any movements' as redundant. Suggested improvement: use 'prefer X to Y' and check for typos.

× I like to enjoy the calm scenery, the peacefulness of a mountain.

✓ I enjoy the calm scenery and peacefulness of the mountains.

Sentence phrasing is slightly awkward and singular/plural consistency: use 'mountains' to match general preference. 'I like to enjoy' is wordy; 'I enjoy' is more natural. Combine phrases with 'and' for smoother flow. Suggested improvement: prefer concise verbs ('enjoy') and ensure plural usage matches general statements.