Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 좀 더 자연스럽고 정확한 문장 구조를 사용하세요. 문장은 주제를 바로 밝히는 토픽 문장으로 시작하고, 그 다음에 필요한 구체적인 이유나 예를 연결어로 덧붙이세요. 불필요한 반복(uh, like 등)을 줄이고 어휘를 다양하게 사용하면 점수가 올라갑니다. 예: 주제문 → 이유 → 구체적 상황 순으로 최대 3~4문장으로 구성하세요.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I often watch the passing scenery because it helps me pass the time and keeps me entertained. For instance, on long trips I like to observe changing landscapes and small villages along the road.

提案: 문법 시제와 관사 사용에 신경 쓰세요. 과거·현재 시제를 일관되게 사용하고, 명사 앞에 필요한 관사(a/the)을 붙이세요. 또한 문장을 간결하게 만들고 불필요한 반복을 없애세요. 구체적인 예를 들 때는 언제, 어디서 찍었는지 한두 가지 디테일을 추가하세요.

例: Yes, I sometimes take photos of the scenery through the car window. For example, last summer I photographed a grape farm we drove past; the rows of vines looked very picturesque against the hills.

提案: 선호를 표현할 때는 간단명료한 주제문을 먼저 말하고, 그 이유를 연결어(because, as, since)를 통해 구체적으로 설명하세요. 형용사나 이유를 더 정확한 어휘로 바꾸고 문장을 완결형으로 마무리하세요. 예: 주제문 → 이유 1(감정) → 이유 2(활동) 순으로 구성하세요.

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains because the sound of the waves and the open horizon make me feel relaxed. Also, I enjoy beach activities like walking along the shore and watching the sunset, which helps me unwind.

× Yes, I'm looking at the window when I travel.

✓ Yes, I look out the window when I travel.

The speaker is describing a habitual action, so simple present tense is appropriate rather than present continuous. Use 'look out the window' not 'looking at the window' to match common collocation: 'look out the window' means to gaze outside. Suggestion: use simple present for routines and the verb pattern 'look out the window'.

× Uh, sometimes I feel like, uh, bored when I, uh, take a bus or car, but it makes me, yeah.

✓ Sometimes I feel bored when I take a bus or a car, but it also amuses me.

Use simple present 'feel' for habitual feelings. 'feel like bored' is incorrect; use 'feel bored'. Include the article 'a' before 'car'. The clause 'but it makes me, yeah' is unclear; replace with a clear contrasting idea such as 'but it also amuses me' or 'but it can be interesting'. Suggestion: remove filler sounds and use clear vocabulary.

× Yes, sometimes I took a picture of scenery, uh, by looking out of the window, uh, for example, uh, when traveling, when I travel, I took a picture of a grape farms.

✓ Yes, sometimes I take pictures of the scenery by looking out of the window. For example, when I was traveling I took a picture of a grape farm.

Mixing present and past tenses causes confusion. Use simple present 'take pictures' for habitual actions and past simple 'took' for specific past events. 'scenery' requires 'the' or 'the scenery'; countable 'grape farm' should be singular without extra article 'a grape farms' (plural). Use 'a grape farm' or 'grape farms' consistently. Suggestion: separate habitual and past specific statements and correct singular/plural and article usage.

× I prefer, uh, the sea rather than the mountain because, uh, when I see the sea I feel like more relaxed and calm and.

✓ I prefer the sea rather than the mountains because when I see the sea I feel more relaxed and calm.

Use 'the sea' and plural 'the mountains' as general references. The phrase 'feel like more relaxed' is incorrect; use 'feel more relaxed'. Remove trailing 'and.' Also remove filler words. Suggestion: use consistent articles and correct comparative structure 'prefer A rather than B'.