Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is natural and relevant, but a little wordy and slightly repetitive. To improve, start with a clear topic sentence, trim redundancy, and add one specific example with a linking word to make it more vivid and coherent. Keep it within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I always look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I like a break from my phone. For example, last month I watched a long stretch of terraced rice fields roll by, which was calm and beautiful. Because of that I often feel more relaxed during the journey.

提案: Good idea and natural phrasing, but some phrasing is awkward (“would need to do that as soon as possible”) and slightly repetitive about social media and family. Improve by giving a concise reason and a brief example, using a linking word to connect reason and action.

例: Yes, I often take photos of dramatic views because I want to remember them and share them with my family. For instance, when I saw a golden sunset from the highway last week, I snapped a quick photo and later posted it so my parents could enjoy it too.

提案: Answer is honest but unfocused and contains redundancy and slightly awkward phrasing. Improve by giving a clear topic sentence stating no strong preference, then briefly explain with a specific reason and use a linking word to make the answer coherent. Avoid filler phrases like “frankly speaking.”

例: I don't have a strong preference between the mountains and the sea because each offers different experiences. For example, I enjoy the mountains for hiking and fresh air, whereas the sea is relaxing and great for swimming, so I like both depending on my mood.

× That's something I do every time because sometimes I just want to take a break from looking at my phone and then I look at the window and I see beautiful scenes.

✓ That's something I do every time because sometimes I just want to take a break from looking at my phone, so I look out the window and see beautiful scenes.

Use of 'look at the window' is not the typical collocation; 'look out the window' or 'look out the window and see' is more natural. Also run-on phrasing with 'and then I look at the window and I see' can be tightened to 'so I look out the window and see' for clarity and fluency.

× I don't hesitate to take a nice picture whenever I see something breathtaking.

✓ I don't hesitate to take a nice picture whenever I see something breathtaking.

Sentence is grammatically correct. No correction needed. Included to show checked item; no error present.

× I would need to do that as soon as possible so that I can post them on social media so that my family can see the beauty that I have seen.

✓ I need to do that as soon as possible so that I can post the photos on social media and my family can see the beauty I saw.

Use consistent tense and matching pronouns: 'I would need to' is conditional and unnecessary here; present simple 'I need to' fits the habitual action. 'them' is vague—'the photos' is clearer. Repeating 'so that' is redundant; combine clauses with 'and'. Use simple past 'I saw' to match the completed viewing action.

× It's not like I live around them for me to want to know which one I love.

✓ It's not like I live near either of them, so I don't know which one I prefer.

'Live around them' is awkward; 'live near either of them' is clearer. 'for me to want to know which one I love' is unidiomatic—use 'so I don't know which one I prefer' for natural expression and correct pronoun/reference.

× I love the both of them, I love seeing them, but I have no preference, frankly speaking.

✓ I love both of them; I enjoy seeing them, but I have no preference, frankly speaking.

Use 'both of them' rather than 'the both of them'. Replace repeated 'I love' with 'I enjoy' to avoid redundancy. Use a semicolon or separate sentences to fix comma splice and improve sentence structure.