Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce hesitation and filler words, and correct subject-verb agreement (e.g., "it makes me feel relaxed").

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. For example, when I travel through the countryside I enjoy watching forests and fields because they make me feel relaxed. Moreover, seeing local villages helps me learn about the culture and daily life there.

提案: Provide a clear, fluent response with specific examples. Avoid repetition and unclear words. Use a linking phrase to explain when and why you take photos, and describe one concrete scene or memory.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window, especially when I visit small villages. For example, last month I photographed a farmer harvesting rice because the scene looked peaceful and showed how people live in that area.

提案: Give a clear preference in one sentence, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Fix vocabulary mistakes ("beef"→"beach") and avoid long hesitations. Use coherent connectors like "because" and "however."

例: I prefer the mountains because the green scenery and fresh air help me relax. However, I also enjoy the beach sometimes because I like the sound of the waves and sunbathing on warm days.

× Yes absolutely umm, I'm lab to load through the window uh, when I travel to another country, especially by bus uh, I love to see the uh landscape, especially in the countryside uh, I love to see the forest uh, it make me feel relaxed and it umm.

✓ Yes, absolutely. I love to look out through the window when I travel to another country, especially by bus. I love to see the landscape in the countryside and the forest; it makes me feel relaxed.

Multiple issues: 'I'm lab to load' is unintelligible and likely intended as 'I love to look'. Use the verb phrase 'love to look out' (infinitive) or 'love looking out' (present participle). Also 'it make' is incorrect subject-verb agreement; with singular subject 'it' use 'makes'. Suggestions: replace unclear fragments with 'I love to look out', keep consistent present simple for habitual actions, and use 'makes' for third-person singular.

× Uh, I used to take, uh, I, I used to cash out the photos or the outside view, especially when I visited through the small village.

✓ I used to take photos of the outside view, especially when I visited small villages.

The phrase 'cash out the photos' is incorrect; use 'take photos'. 'Visited through the small village' is wrong preposition and number: say 'visited small villages' or 'visited a small village'. 'Used to' correctly indicates a past habit; keep past tense 'visited'.

× I like to take the photo, uh, out, uh, uh, through, uh, all the best window, uh, for Isami when a farmer, uh, coalesce the.

✓ I like to take photos through the window, for example when I see farmers working in the fields.

Original has incorrect prepositions and unclear words ('all the best window', 'Isami', 'coalesce'). Use 'through the window' to indicate the viewpoint. Simplify unclear parts: 'for example when I see farmers working in the fields' conveys the intended meaning. Avoid redundant fillers.

× Umm, I prefer beef, uh, rather than their mountain, uh, or those the green things or the mountain makes me feel relaxed.

✓ I prefer the sea rather than the mountains; the green mountains make me feel relaxed.

'Beef' is a mispronunciation of 'sea' and 'their mountain' should be 'the mountains'. Pronoun 'their' is incorrect; use definite article 'the' or plural 'mountains'. Also ensure subject-verb agreement: plural 'mountains' with plural verb 'make'. Adjust vocabulary to intended nouns.

× But I do love the uh, sounds or ways, uh, uh, when I arrive to bees and another day I enjoy is playing on the sun.

✓ But I do love the sounds of waves when I arrive at the beach, and another thing I enjoy is sunbathing.

Several word choice errors: 'ways' should be 'waves', 'bees' is 'beach', 'arrive to' should be 'arrive at'. 'Playing on the sun' is unnatural; use 'sunbathing' or 'playing in the sun'. Use correct nouns and prepositions to convey meaning clearly.