Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and coherent. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid unclear phrases (e.g. “prevent TD use”) and grammatical errors. Focus on natural collocations (look out the window, enjoy the scenery) and correct tense. Aim for 2–4 sentences, each clear and relevant.

例: Yes, I always look out the window when I travel by bus or car. I enjoy watching the changing scenery because it relaxes me, especially when I see rivers and green fields. Also, sometimes I notice small details like farmers working or children playing, which makes the journey more interesting.

提案: Improve clarity and grammar. Use present simple for habitual actions and avoid repetition (“outside the window” twice). Use linking words to show purpose (so that/in order to). Keep it within 2–3 sentences and give one specific example of what you photograph.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window. I save them on my phone so that I can look back and remember special trips, for example a beautiful sunset I once photographed on a coastal drive.

提案: Give a direct answer first (mountains or sea), then provide two clear reasons with linking words. Avoid fillers (“uh”, “I don't know, but it's very”) and fragmented sentences. Use specific sensory descriptions (sound of waves, fresh sea air) and concise structure (topic sentence + supporting details).

例: I prefer the sea to the mountains. The sound of the waves is very calming, and the blue water and fresh sea air always make me feel relaxed and grateful. For example, I enjoy walking along the shore at sunset because it clears my mind.

× I really like to see it beside the window and see the overall scenery outside to prevent TD use during my travel time and it keeps me a relaxing and calming moment when I'm looking outside, especially when I see rivers green grass.

✓ I really like to sit by the window and look at the scenery outside during my travels; it helps me relax, especially when I see rivers and green grass.

Incorrect prepositions and collocations: 'see it beside the window' and 'prevent TD use' are ungrammatical. Use 'sit by the window' and 'look at the scenery' for natural collocations. 'During my travels' is the correct prepositional phrase for travel time. Also combined clauses more clearly and added 'and' between 'rivers' and 'green grass'. Suggestions: use common collocations (sit by the window, look at, during my travels) and join coordinate items with 'and'.

× Yes, I took photos of the outside scenery outside my window.

✓ Yes, I take photos of the scenery outside my window.

Tense mismatch: the question asks about a habitual action, so simple present is appropriate. 'Took' (past) implies a single past event. Also 'outside scenery outside my window' is repetitive; 'scenery outside my window' is concise. Suggestion: use simple present for habits: 'I take photos...'. Replace repetitive phrases.

× I loved to picture and save it on my, uh, cell phone, tablets or computer so that if I have a time, I could reminisce and go back to the things that I have done before I'd book.

✓ I like to take pictures and save them on my phone, tablet, or computer so that when I have time I can look back on what I have done.

Incorrect prepositions and word choices: 'loved to picture' should be 'like to take pictures'; 'save it on my, uh, cell phone, tablets or computer' inconsistent number and articles — use 'phone, tablet, or computer'. 'If I have a time' should be 'when I have time'. 'Reminisce and go back to the things that I have done before I'd book' is unclear — simplified to 'look back on what I have done.' Use parallel nouns and correct conjunctions for clarity. Suggestion: use consistent singular/plural forms and natural verbs (take pictures, save them, when I have time). Avoid filler and unclear phrases.

× Personally, I love to see, uh, environment, especially see it is because it's a calming sound for me and the blue water colour of the sea makes me feel grateful for the things that I experience.

✓ Personally, I love the seaside environment because the sounds are calming, and the blue color of the sea makes me feel grateful for my experiences.

Incorrect sentence structure and tense/use of nouns: 'love to see environment' is unnatural — use 'love the seaside environment'. 'Especially see it is because it's a calming sound' mixes structures and has singular/plural mismatches; 'sounds are calming' is correct. 'Makes me feel grateful for the things that I experience' is wordy; 'grateful for my experiences' is concise and correct. Suggestion: use clear noun phrases (the seaside environment), match singular/plural for 'sound/sounds', and simplify expressions.

× I don't know, but it's very.

✓ I don't know how to describe it, but it's very calming.

Incomplete sentence: 'it's very.' lacks an adjective object and is a sentence fragment. Provide a complete idea by adding an appropriate adjective such as 'calming' to finish the thought. Suggestion: avoid sentence fragments; ensure 'it is' is followed by an adjective or clause to complete the meaning.