Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve fluency by removing hesitations and redundant phrases; organize answer with a clear topic sentence and one or two specific supporting details using linking words (for example, 'because' and 'for example'). Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., 'relax' instead of 'relax my mind', 'urban streets' instead of 'busy streets'). Keep to at most 4–5 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because it helps me relax and makes the journey feel shorter. For example, I enjoy watching how the view changes from busy urban streets to quiet rural fields, which often cheers me up and gives me ideas for future outings.

提案: Avoid off-topic self-descriptions like 'photogenic' and reduce filler words ('uh', 'honestly speaking'). Start with a clear topic sentence responding directly, then give one concise reason and an example if needed. Vary vocabulary ('take photos' -> 'take photographs' or 'photograph'), and avoid repetition.

例: No, I don't usually take photographs from the car window because I prefer to enjoy the view without distractions. For instance, watching the scenery helps me relax and think, so I rarely use my phone to take pictures during a journey.

提案: Be specific and coherent: state your preference clearly (one or both) and give distinct reasons using linking words ('because', 'however', 'for example'). Correct vocabulary and avoid unclear words ('hardware' and 'fresh year' seem incorrect). Keep answers concise and limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: I like both, but if I had to choose, I prefer the mountains because they offer peaceful scenery and good hiking opportunities. For example, on a trip with my father last year I enjoyed the fresh air and hiking trails in the mountains, which helped me relax and feel refreshed.

× I often look out of the window when travelling by bus or car because it helps me to relax my mind and I also pass the time by it.

✓ I often look out of the window when travelling by bus or car because it helps me relax my mind and I also pass the time that way.

Unnecessary use of 'to' before 'relax' after 'helps' is incorrect; after 'helps' the base form or the to-infinitive can be used, but 'helps me to relax' is acceptable; however 'helps me to relax my mind' is wordy—'helps me relax my mind' or 'helps me relax' is better. 'pass the time by it' is incorrect phrasing; use 'pass the time that way'. Suggest using 'that way' or 'by doing so' instead. Grammar problem type ID: 8

× For instance, I like watching the changing scenery views from busy streets to rural fields which sometimes gives me inner joy Uh for future outing.

✓ For instance, I like watching the changing scenery, from busy streets to rural fields, which sometimes gives me inner joy and inspires me for future outings.

Sentence is run-on and missing connecting words. 'scenery views' is redundant; use 'scenery' or 'views'. 'which sometimes gives me inner joy Uh for future outing' is fragmented and ungrammatical; 'inspires me for future outings' or 'inspires future outings' is clearer. Also add commas to set off the phrase. Grammar problem type ID: 26

× Honestly speaking, I'm not a photogenic person, uh, because I'm not really into taking pictures.

✓ Honestly speaking, I'm not a photogenic person because I'm not really into taking pictures.

The sentence contains filler 'uh' which should be removed in written form. Grammatically it's fine otherwise, but filler words interrupt fluency; remove them for clarity. Grammar problem type ID: 12

× I just simply enjoy the views, uh, by seeing it because it really helps me, uh, because it really helps me to clear my mind.

✓ I just enjoy the views by looking at them because it really helps me to clear my mind.

'Enjoy the views by seeing it' mixes plural 'views' with singular 'it'; use 'looking at them'. Also remove repetitive 'because it really helps me' duplication and filler 'uh'. Use 'enjoy' rather than 'just simply enjoy' (redundant adverbs). This corrects pronoun agreement and verb form. Grammar problem type ID: 10

× I vividly remember, uh, last year I visited hardware with my father.

✓ I vividly remember that last year I visited a harbor with my father.

'visited hardware' is incorrect word choice; likely intended 'harbor' or 'seaside town'. Also missing 'that' after 'remember' for clarity. Add article 'a' before 'harbor'. Remove filler 'uh'. This corrects word choice and preposition/article usage. Grammar problem type ID: 11

× There I saw mountains and sea.

✓ There I saw mountains and the sea.

Use of definite article 'the' before 'sea' is customary when referring to a specific sea or the sea in general in such contexts. Add 'the' to be natural in English. Grammar problem type ID: 13

× Uh, when I saw the mountains, I enjoyed the fresh year, peaceful scenery and it gave me opportunity for hiking also after that I enjoy.

✓ When I saw the mountains, I enjoyed the fresh air and peaceful scenery, and it gave me the opportunity to go hiking; I enjoyed that afterwards.

'fresh year' is a typo; should be 'fresh air'. Missing articles: 'gave me opportunity' needs 'the' and 'to' before a verb: 'the opportunity to go hiking'. Sentence run-on needs splitting or punctuation. 'after that I enjoy' tense mismatch; use past tense 'I enjoyed that afterwards'. This fixes word choice, articles, infinitive use, and tense consistency. Grammar problem type ID: 14