Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Уменьшите количество пауз и слов-паразитов (uh, um) и дайте чёткое тематическое предложение, затем одно-два конкретных пояснения. Сформулируйте мысль короче и яснее, используйте связки (for example, because) для логики. Также избегайте двусмысленных выражений вроде "remind all of the situation in my life" — лучше сказать, что вы размышляете или отдыхаете.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by car or train. I find the changing scenery relaxing, and it gives me time to think about my plans or remember past trips. For example, watching the countryside helps me relax before work.

提案: Убирайте ненужные паузы и уточняйте условия — скажите, когда и почему вы фотографируете. Используйте связки (when, because, especially) и конкретные примеры пейзажей. Избегайте тавтологии ("connected, related") и сформулируйте аккуратнее: "I take photos when the view is breathtaking, especially of mountains or the sea."

例: I usually take photos when the view is unexpectedly beautiful, because I want to remember the moment. For example, I often photograph mountain ranges or coastal sunsets from the car window.

提案: Дайте прямой ответ в первом предложении (I prefer... or I like both), затем приведите 1–2 конкретные причины с примерами. Избегайте неясных фраз ("mountains associated with my goals") и говорите понятнее: mountains for activity/challenges, sea for relaxation. Используйте связки (because, while, for example).

例: I like both the mountains and the sea. Mountains appeal to me because they offer hiking and a sense of achievement, while the sea helps me relax and clear my mind — for example, I go to the coast to unwind on weekends.

× I usually, uh, look at the window, at the view when traveling, uh, by train or car and uh, it uh, gives me a lot of time to, uh, remind all of the situation in my life.

✓ I usually look out the window at the view when traveling by train or car, and it gives me a lot of time to reflect on different situations in my life.

The sentence uses present simple generally, which is fine, but contains awkward verbs and filler words. 'Remind all of the situation' is incorrect; the correct verb is 'reflect on' to express thinking about situations. Remove fillers like 'uh' and unnecessary commas. Use 'look out the window' instead of 'look at the window' for viewing scenery.

× If the uh, suddenly outside uh, is breathtaking, I will take uh photo of the uh view, umm, more uh, it's more uh, connected, related with uh, natural views as a scenery of mountain or sea and something else.

✓ If the view outside is suddenly breathtaking, I will take a photo of it. I tend to photograph natural scenery such as mountains or the sea.

Incorrect word order and unnecessary fillers make the sentence unclear. Use 'If the view outside is suddenly breathtaking' for correct clause order. 'Take photo of the view' needs an article: 'take a photo of it.' 'Connected, related with' is redundant; use 'photograph natural scenery such as mountains or the sea.' Use simple present/future appropriately: conditional + 'will'.

× I prefer both of scenery, uh, mountains associated with the my uh, goals, aims, uh, see is connected, uh, of relaxing and uh, calm, uh, situation in my life. I like both of them.

✓ I like both types of scenery. Mountains are associated with my goals and aims, while the sea is associated with relaxation and calm in my life.

'Both of scenery' is incorrect; use 'both types of scenery' or 'both kinds of scenery.' 'The my' is ungrammatical; use 'my.' 'See' is misspelled and should be 'sea.' 'Connected of relaxing' is incorrect; use 'associated with relaxation and calm.' Break into two sentences for clarity and correct noun/adjective usage.