Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds (uh), and limit repetition. Add a brief reason or specific detail using a linking word to make your answer coherent (e.g., “because” or “and”).

例: Yes, I do. I enjoy looking out of the window when I travel by car because I find the changing landscape relaxing. For example, I like watching suburban streets and countryside fields pass by, which helps me unwind during long journeys.

提案: Remove hesitations and correct grammar. Give a clear reason and one specific example of when or what you photograph. Use a linking word like “because” or “so” and avoid repeating words.

例: Yes, I do because photos help me remember beautiful scenes. For instance, I often take pictures of coastal sunsets and interesting architecture when I travel so I can look back on them later.

提案: Give a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then explain briefly why with specific details and use linking words (e.g., “however”, “because”, “also”). Avoid repetition and incorrect grammar (e.g., “give me calm” → “calm me”).

例: I prefer both the mountains and the sea because they offer different kinds of peace. For example, mountain mornings feel fresh and quiet, while the sea at sunset is soothing and scenic, so I enjoy visiting both depending on my mood.

× I love looking through the window uh, when I travel by uh, my car.

✓ I love looking out of the window when I travel by car.

Use 'looking out of the window' or 'looking through the window' is acceptable, but 'looking out of the window' is more natural; remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary 'my' before 'car' when saying the mode of travel. Also use 'by car' to indicate means of transport rather than 'by my car'.

× Actually I travel uh, using my car uh, originally and uh, if I want to through with bus, I look also.

✓ Actually I usually travel by car, but if I take the bus I also look out of the window.

The original sentence has awkward word order and incorrect preposition use. 'Originally' is unclear; 'usually' fits typical habit. Use 'travel by car' to show means, 'take the bus' is natural for bus travel, and 'look out of the window' is the correct phrase. Remove filler words and reorder to maintain clear subject-verb-object structure.

× Yes, I do because, uh, pictures are necessary, uh, to remember the views that I see through through the car window.

✓ Yes, I do because pictures are useful to remember the views I see through the car window.

Plural 'pictures are necessary' is grammatical but 'useful' is more natural. Remove repeated 'through' and filler 'uh'. 'The car window' is acceptable when referring to a specific window; keep a single 'the'. Also simplify phrasing to avoid redundancy.

× So remember this, uh, beautiful views.

✓ So I remember these beautiful views.

Use 'I remember' to show the speaker's action. 'These' agrees with plural 'views' and replaces incorrect 'this' which is singular. Remove filler 'uh'. Maintain subject and verb for a complete sentence.

× Actually, I prefer both of them. The Mountain View and the sea are different.

✓ Actually, I prefer both of them. The mountain and the sea are different.

Do not capitalize 'Mountain' unless it's a proper noun; use 'the mountain and the sea' or 'mountains and the sea'. 'The Mountain View' suggests a specific place, which is likely unintended. Use consistent article use and lowercase common nouns.

× Uh, both of them are uh, give me calm and beautiful, uh, view of the mountain in the morning, on the sea in the morning and the night.

✓ Both of them give me a calm and beautiful view: the mountains in the morning and the sea in the morning and at night.

Original mixes verb forms ('are give me' is wrong). Use 'give me' with direct object. Add article 'a' before 'calm and beautiful view'. Correct noun plurality: 'mountains' fits generally. Use parallel structure for time expressions: 'in the morning' and 'at night'. Remove filler words and reorder for clarity.