Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organized: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, correct small grammar errors (e.g., "one of my favorite seats", "in the plane" -> "on a plane"), and add one specific supporting detail. Use a linking word if you add an extra point.

例: Yes, I usually look out the window when I travel because I enjoy watching the changing scenery. For example, I like spotting landmarks and local neighborhoods as we pass them, which helps me feel oriented. Also, on long journeys I find the view relaxing, so I often choose a window seat.

提案: Improve coherence and accuracy: open with a clear topic sentence, avoid fragmentation and repetition, and give one vivid specific example. Correct grammar ("when I am landing or taking off") and remove filler words. Use linking words like "for example" or "especially" to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery, especially during take-off and landing because the aerial views are striking. For example, landing at night I photograph the patchwork of streetlights and city shapes below, which creates dramatic photos I can share with friends.

提案: Be clear and correct in expression: begin with a direct statement of preference, then add one or two specific reasons. Fix grammar and vocabulary errors ("abroad cruise" -> "a cruise abroad", "very small stems" unclear; use accurate descriptors like "breezy"), avoid trailing off. Use linking words such as "because" and "however" to structure reasons.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy relaxing on a cruise abroad with friends and sunbathing on the deck. For example, the cool sea breeze and gentle waves help me relax, whereas mountain hikes feel too strenuous for me.

× Yes, I do that a lot and that's one of the reasons I love sitting by the window.

✓ Yes, I do that a lot, and that's one of the reasons I love sitting by the window.

Minor punctuation: add a comma before the coordinating conjunction 'and' joining two independent clauses to improve sentence clarity and flow.

× So it's one of my favorites seats in the car and the in the plane.

✓ So it's one of my favorite seats in the car and in the plane.

Use singular noun form 'favorite' as a modifier before the plural noun 'seats'. Also remove the extra article 'the' before 'in the plane'. Suggestion: use 'one of my favorite seats' and avoid repeating 'the'.

× It's just a way of going through the journey like you get to know where you are, you get to see things while while traveling and.

✓ It's just a way of experiencing the journey: you get to know where you are and see things while traveling.

Original has repetition ('while while'), a trailing conjunction 'and' with no following clause, and awkward phrasing 'way of going through the journey'. Suggested correction improves cohesion, removes duplication, and completes the idea.

× Yes, I normally take a lot of pictures and one of my favorite is when I am landing or taking off at any airport.

✓ Yes, I normally take a lot of pictures, and one of my favorites is when I am landing or taking off at an airport.

Use plural 'favorites' when referring to one of multiple favorite moments. Replace 'any airport' with 'an airport' for naturalness. Add a comma before 'and' joining independent clauses.

× It's so beautiful.

✓ It is so beautiful.

Contraction 'It's' is acceptable spoken English, but for clarity in a transcript 'It is' is fine. No grammatical error; this is a stylistic choice. If keeping contractions, it's not incorrect.

× You get to see the views from a distance, the colorful when you when you land at night, it's beautiful landing at an airport at night, the lights from the street the it's.

✓ You get to see the views from a distance; when you land at night the colorful lights make it especially beautiful. The street and airport lights are very striking.

Original is fragmented and repetitive ('when you when you', trailing 'the it's'). Correction combines ideas into clear sentences, removes repetition, and clarifies what 'colorful' refers to (lights).

× I prefer going on abroad cruise with friends.

✓ I prefer going on an abroad cruise with friends.

Add the article 'an' before the noun phrase 'abroad cruise'. However, more natural phrasing is 'going on an overseas cruise' or 'going on a cruise abroad'.

× It's ver small stems is very windy but yet it's cooling to the skin sunbathing at the same time.

✓ It's very small, sometimes very windy, but still cooling to the skin when sunbathing.

Fix misspelling 'ver' to 'very', remove unclear word 'stems', and restructure sentence for clarity. Use commas to separate clauses and 'still' rather than 'yet' for contrast. Add 'when' to connect 'sunbathing' correctly.

× It's actually better for me than climbing mountains and stressing my muscles.

✓ It's actually better for me than climbing mountains and straining my muscles.

Use 'straining my muscles' (gerund) rather than 'stressing my muscles' for a more natural collocation. The comparative structure 'better for me than' is correct.

× Although it's good for body but I.

✓ Although climbing mountains is good for the body, I prefer the sea.

Original is an incomplete sentence ending with 'I.' Remove the conflicting conjunctions ('Although' with 'but') and complete the thought. Provide a full clause after 'Although' and finish with the speaker's preference.