Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid filler sounds (uh), and use correct verb forms. Organize supporting details with a linking word (for example, or especially) and give one or two specific observations. Limit to about 2–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. I especially enjoy seeing green spaces and roadside flowers because they are colorful and calming. For example, on my last trip I noticed old brick buildings next to rows of bright marigolds, which made the journey more pleasant.

提案: Answer directly, avoid idioms that may be unclear (e.g., “not a cup of tea”), and correct common errors (articles, plural forms). Provide a brief reason and, if possible, one example or alternative (e.g., I prefer to enjoy the view). Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: No, I usually don’t take photos from the car window because photos often turn out blurry. Instead, I prefer to enjoy the scenery with my eyes and sometimes save clearer pictures when I stop and get out of the car.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and support it with specific reasons using linking words (because, so, for example). Correct grammar: subject-verb agreement, remove fillers and repetition. Provide one concrete detail or memory to make the answer more vivid.

例: I prefer the sea because the sound and sight of waves relax me. For example, watching the blue water and gentle waves on a quiet morning helps me feel peaceful and connected to nature, unlike the mountains which I find more energizing.

× Yes, I usually look out to the window, uh, at the scenery when I traveling by bus or a car.

✓ Yes, I usually look out of the window at the scenery when I am travelling by bus or by car.

Use 'look out of' or 'look out' rather than 'look out to' for windows; remove extra comma. 'When I traveling' is missing auxiliary verb 'am' for present continuous — this is a present tense form (Present tense issue, but corrected here as part of grammaticality). Use 'by bus' or 'by car' without the article 'a' before 'car'. Suggestion: Practice using 'look out of' + 'the window' and use auxiliary verbs with -ing forms (I am travelling).

× Basically what I look is about around the buildings and a greenery uh, which really mesmerized my attention.

✓ Basically, what I look at is the buildings and the greenery, which really mesmerize my attention.

After 'look' use the preposition 'at' to indicate the object observed. 'A greenery' is incorrect; 'greenery' is uncountable and takes no article or uses 'the greenery'. 'Mesmerized my attention' is incorrect verb choice: 'mesmerize' is active and should agree with plural subject 'buildings and greenery' (present simple: 'mesmerize'). Keep tense consistent with habitual action. Suggestion: Use 'what I look at is...' and remember uncountable nouns do not take 'a'.

× Beautiful flowers around the around the uh, side roadsides.

✓ There are beautiful flowers along the roadsides.

Redundant phrasing 'around the around the' and incorrect placement. Use 'along the roadsides' or 'along the side of the road'. Add a verb to make a complete sentence ('There are'). Suggestion: Avoid repetition and use correct prepositions like 'along' for things lining roads.

× Well, usually no, because I know that I'm not a good photographer and whensoever I try to click a pictures, the picture will not come good.

✓ Well, usually no, because I know that I'm not a good photographer and whenever I try to take a picture, the picture does not turn out well.

Use 'whenever' instead of 'whensoever' in modern English. Use 'take a picture' or 'take pictures' rather than 'click a pictures'. 'A pictures' mixes singular and plural; use 'a picture'. 'Will not come good' is awkward — use 'does not turn out well'. Suggestion: Use 'take a picture' and 'turn out well' for natural phrasing; match singular/plural and articles correctly.

× And also uh, clicking picture is not a cup of tea for me so I usually don't click any pictures.

✓ Also, taking pictures is not my cup of tea, so I usually don't take any pictures.

Use 'taking pictures' (gerund) rather than 'clicking picture'. The idiom is 'not my cup of tea'. Use consistent verb 'take' for pictures and plural 'pictures' with 'any'. Suggestion: Learn common collocations: 'take pictures', 'not my cup of tea'.

× I most of the time I prefer sea because looking at the waves that is coming out from the sea really touch my heart.

✓ Most of the time, I prefer the sea because looking at the waves coming from it really touches my heart.

Remove redundant 'I' and reposition 'most of the time' at the start. Use the definite article 'the sea'. 'Waves that is coming' has subject-verb disagreement and unnecessary 'that': use 'waves coming' and ensure verb agrees: 'touches' for singular abstract subject 'looking at the waves...'. Suggestion: Place time expressions at sentence start or end, use 'the sea', and ensure subject-verb agreement.

× It's it it give peace to my soul and it also make me connected with the with the nature as well.

✓ It gives peace to my soul and it also makes me feel connected with nature.

Repeated fillers removed. Verbs need third person singular '-s' with subject 'it': 'gives', 'makes'. 'Make me connected' is unnatural; use 'makes me feel connected'. Use 'nature' without 'the' in this context. Suggestion: Remember to add '-s' for third person singular present verbs and use natural collocations like 'feel connected'.

× Apart from that, the blue color of water really mesmerized.

✓ Apart from that, the blue color of the water is really mesmerizing.

'Mesmerized' is past tense; the intended meaning is a present effect, so use 'is really mesmerizing' or 'really mesmerizes me'. Also use 'the water' or simply 'the blue of the water'. Suggestion: Match adjective/adverb forms to intended meaning; use present participle 'mesmerizing' for ongoing effects or 'mesmerizes me' to show active effect.