Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make your answer more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and correct phrasing (e.g. “listening to music”). Add one specific detail or brief example using a linking word. Keep it under five sentences.

例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy observing changing landscapes. For example, I like watching city streets turn into countryside while listening to music, which helps me relax and notice small details like old houses or rivers.

提案: Avoid repetition and filler words. Give one clear reason and a specific detail about how or when you take photos. Replace vague phrase “bring the film” with a clearer expression (e.g. “bring my camera” or “use my phone camera”). Use a linking word to connect ideas.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery from the car window because I enjoy capturing interesting views. For instance, when I travel on long journeys I bring my phone camera and take quick shots of mountains or rivers so I can remember the trip.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and one or two specific reasons without hesitation. Use correct collocations (e.g. “the sea makes me feel comfortable and relaxed”) and connect reasons with a linking word like “because” or “so”. Avoid filler sounds.

例: I prefer the sea because it makes me feel calm and relaxed. For example, listening to the waves and walking on the beach helps me unwind after a busy week, so I often choose coastal trips when I need a break.

× Yes, I look out the window at the scenery when I travel by bus or car because I love seeing the scenery and I really like the combination of scene and music listening that.

✓ Yes, I look out the window at the scenery when I travel by bus or car because I love seeing the scenery and I really like the combination of the view and listening to music.

The sentence mixes awkward nouns and gerund forms. 'Scene' is not the usual noun for landscape; use 'view' or 'scenery'. 'Music listening' is incorrect word order; use 'listening to music'. Also add 'the' before 'view' to specify the particular experience. Keep present simple for habitual action.

× Yes, I really like taking photos of the scenery outside of the car window because I I like taking photos and also I like seeing the scenery and I usually umm bring the film.

✓ Yes, I really like taking photos of the scenery outside the car window because I like taking photos and seeing the scenery, and I usually bring film.

Remove redundant 'I' and filler 'umm'. Use 'outside the car window' rather than 'outside of the car window' (both possible but shorter is preferred). 'Bring the film' is unnatural in general contexts; use 'bring film'. Use gerunds consistently ('taking photos', 'seeing the scenery'). Also avoid repetition and run-on structure by joining clauses with commas and 'and'.

× I prefer the sea because, umm, sea gives me a comfortable when I when I see uh. Scenery of sea I can comfort and relax myself.

✓ I prefer the sea because the sea gives me comfort. When I see the sea scenery, I can calm and relax myself.

Article usage: 'the sea' requires 'the' before 'sea'. 'Gives me a comfortable' is incorrect — 'comfortable' is an adjective; use the noun 'comfort'. The original has sentence fragments and repetition ('when I when I'). 'Scenery of sea' is awkward; use 'sea scenery' or 'the scenery of the sea'. 'I can calm and relax myself' is clearer than 'I can comfort and relax myself'. Fix sentence structure and remove fillers.