Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear: start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details. Avoid repetition and filler words. Also correct small grammar issues (e.g., say “photography” or “a keen photographer” rather than “photo level person”) and use linking words like “because” or “so” appropriately.

例: Yes, I do. I'm a keen photographer, so I often take pictures from the window when I travel. For example, I like capturing passing villages and fields because they make my trips feel more memorable.

提案: Be specific and avoid hesitations. Use correct nouns and compact sentences: say “scenery” (uncountable) and “birds” or “animals.” Provide one clear reason and an example, using a linking word like “because” or “for example.”

例: Yes, I often photograph scenery from car windows because I'm a nature lover. For example, last month I captured several birds and a riverbank while driving through the countryside.

提案: Give a direct preference (or explain equal preference) with clearer reasons and specific comparisons. Use linking phrases like “on the one hand” / “on the other hand” or “because” to structure your answer, and avoid vague phrases like “unique experience” without details.

例: I can't choose; I like both. On the one hand, mountains offer dramatic views and hiking opportunities, which are great for wide landscape photos. On the other hand, the sea provides calming horizons and sunsets that work well for peaceful images.

× Yes, I am a photo level person and I really love to take pictures when I am traveling from one place to another place because it's a unique experience and I as I mentioned earlier I love traveling so it make my travel memorable as well.

✓ Yes, I am a photography-loving person and I really love to take pictures when I am traveling from one place to another because it's a unique experience, and as I mentioned earlier, I love traveling so it makes my trips memorable as well.

The phrase 'photo level person' is not a correct adjective phrase; use 'photography-loving' or 'a person who loves photography'. 'From one place to another place' is redundant; use 'from one place to another'. 'I as I mentioned earlier' has an extra pronoun; remove the extra 'I'. 'It make my travel memorable' has wrong verb form and noun choice: 'make' should be 'makes' for subject-verb agreement and 'travel' is better as plural 'trips' in this context. Improve clarity by adding commas and reordering slightly.

× Yes, I think it's a unique work experience when we take photos or sceneries, uh, outside the, uh, car window.

✓ Yes, I think it's a unique experience when we take photos of scenery outside the car window.

'Unique work experience' is inappropriate here; 'unique experience' fits. 'Take photos or sceneries' is incorrect: we 'take photos of scenery' (uncountable). Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary commas. 'Car window' does not need 'the' repeated.

× Uh, I'm a nature lover person, so I usually take photos of sceneries, nature and birds animal.

✓ I'm a nature lover, so I usually take photos of scenery, plants, and birds.

'Nature lover person' is redundant; use 'nature lover'. 'Sceneries' is incorrect—'scenery' is usually uncountable. 'Birds animal' is incorrect word order and redundancy; separate categories like 'plants and birds' or 'animals and birds'. Remove filler 'Uh'.

× So I love to take pictures.

✓ So I love taking pictures.

Both forms are acceptable, but 'love taking pictures' is more natural and consistent with previous gerund use. The original is not strictly wrong, but this correction improves naturalness.

× I prefer both because both have a unique experience.

✓ I prefer both because each offers a unique experience.

'Both have a unique experience' is awkward; use 'each offers a unique experience' to clarify that mountains and the sea each provide unique experiences. 'Offers' agrees with singular 'each'.

× If I have to click pictures or spend time on a mountain, it's a unique experience as compared to the if I have to take pictures of a river.

✓ If I have to take pictures or spend time on a mountain, it's a unique experience compared to taking pictures of a river.

'Click pictures' is informal; 'take pictures' is better. Remove the extra 'the' before 'if'. Reword 'as compared to the if I have to take pictures of a river' to 'compared to taking pictures of a river' for clarity and correct structure.

× So I prefer both.

✓ So I prefer both.

This sentence is grammatically fine. No change needed.