Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve clarity and fluency by using a clear topic sentence, avoiding repetition, and adding one specific supporting detail. Use a linking phrase to connect the reason. Keep the response to no more than 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car. For example, I enjoy watching different landscapes such as mountains and rivers, and I especially like looking at the patterns of clouds in the sky. Because I find scenery relaxing, I sometimes take a moment to photograph particularly beautiful views.

提案: Reduce hesitation and organize the answer with a clear topic sentence and a specific example. Use linking words like 'for example' or 'because' and avoid filler words. Aim for two to three concise sentences with precise vocabulary (e.g., 'often', 'photos of clouds').

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery when I travel by car. For example, last month I took several clear pictures of dramatic clouds and a river valley from the roadside because the light was especially beautiful.

提案: Provide a direct topic sentence stating your preference, then give one or two specific reasons. Use correct grammar for past events and avoid fragmented sentences. Include a linking word like 'because' or 'so' to connect reason and result.

例: I prefer the mountains to the sea because I cannot swim, so I feel more comfortable hiking and enjoying mountain views. For example, when my friends go to the beach, I usually stay on the shore and watch them, while I enjoy walking trails and photographing the scenery.

× Yes, I look out the windows at the scenery when traveling by transportation.

✓ Yes, I look out the window at the scenery when traveling by bus or car.

Use the singular 'window' when referring generally to looking out through a vehicle window; 'the window' is natural here. Also 'transportation' is too general; the question mentioned 'bus or car', so use those nouns for clarity. Suggestion: match vocabulary to the question and use 'window' singular for the typical expression.

× For example when I like to when I like to look up in the sky to watch beautiful clouds or mountains or river.

✓ For example, I like to look up at the sky to watch beautiful clouds, or to look at mountains and rivers.

The original repeats 'when I like to' and has incorrect prepositions. Remove repetition and use 'look up at the sky' and 'look at mountains and rivers'. Also add commas and articles where needed. Suggestion: avoid repeating phrases and choose correct prepositions ('look up at', 'look at').

× Yes, I quite often take photos of scenery when I'm traveling during using car especially.

✓ Yes, I quite often take photos of the scenery when I'm traveling by car, especially.

Use 'the scenery' (definite article) and the preposition 'by car' to indicate mode of travel. 'During using car' is ungrammatical; replace with 'when I'm traveling by car'. Keep present continuous 'I'm traveling' to match ongoing action. Suggestion: use 'by' + transport and include 'the' before 'scenery'.

× For example, I took uh, quite snap photos. Beautiful clouds in the sky.

✓ For example, I often snap photos of beautiful clouds in the sky.

The original is fragmented and uses wrong verb forms. Combine into one sentence: use present habit 'I often snap photos' or past 'I snapped photos' depending on intent. Remove filler 'uh' in writing. Suggestion: keep verb and object together and choose a consistent tense.

× Well I like both of them but I prefer mountains because I cannot swim.

✓ Well, I like both, but I prefer the mountains because I cannot swim.

Use 'the mountains' when speaking generally about that environment. Also add a comma after 'Well' and before 'but' for clarity. 'Both of them' can be shortened to 'both'. Suggestion: use definite article with plural geographical nouns when referring to the type as a whole.

× For example I me and my friend go to see.

✓ For example, my friend and I went to see them.

The original word order 'I me and my friend' is incorrect and lacks a clear verb tense. Use 'my friend and I' as the subject and choose past tense 'went' if referring to a past visit. Also clarify the object ('them' refers to mountains and sea). Suggestion: use correct subject order and consistent tense.

× I just stand the beach watching my friends.

✓ I just stand on the beach watching my friends.

The verb 'stand' requires the preposition 'on' before a place: 'stand on the beach'. Also add 'the' before 'beach' to indicate a specific place. Suggestion: remember common prepositions for locations (on, in, at) and include articles where needed.