Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: 回答需要更直接和条理清楚。开头应有一个明确的主题句，然后用1–2句具体细节支持，同时避免重复和语法混乱。注意时态和句子结构，去掉多余的填充词（如"umm"、重复的短语）。可以用连接词（because, so, when）使表达更连贯。

例: Yes, I often look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I find the views of Sydney fascinating. For example, I like watching the city skyline and parks as I commute to work since it helps me relax and improves my mood.

提案: 回答已经比较清晰，但可以更自然、更简洁并加一两个具体原因或例子。注意语法（"prefer to look"而不是"prefer just look"），使用连接词（so, because）并避免重复。

例: I don't usually take photos of the scenery; I prefer to look with my own eyes because it helps me feel more relaxed and connected to nature. For instance, when I see trees or water, I enjoy the experience without taking pictures.

提案: 回答表达了个人偏好，但语句不够自然并且有重复和不准确的描述（"sea was soft"不合适）。建议给出一两个具体理由并用更恰当的词汇描述感受（e.g. calming, vast, refreshing），同时减少填充词。

例: I prefer the sea because it makes me feel calm and happy. The vast blue water and the sound of waves are very relaxing, and I enjoy walking along the shore to clear my mind.

× Yes, I will look how do we work when I travel when I go to work hard because I think the Sydney outside is really umm fascinating and I enjoy that moment and it makes me feel relaxed and makes me feel enjoyable during the.

✓ Yes. I look at how people work when I travel to work, because the scenery of Sydney outside is really fascinating. I enjoy that moment; it makes me feel relaxed and happy during the trip.

句子结构混乱，存在多处从句和短语堆叠，时态和主语不一致。应拆分为几句并调整词序：将“how do we work”改为“how people work”，去掉多余的重复“when I travel when I go to work”，并用简单句或并列句连接，使表达清晰；将“makes me feel enjoyable”改为“makes me feel happy/relaxed”。建议用短句，主谓明确，避免口语填充词（如“umm”）。

× because I think the Sydney outside is really umm fascinating

✓ because I think the scenery of Sydney outside is really fascinating

在英语中一般不在专有名词前加定冠词“the Sydney”除非特指某一实体。此处应使用“the scenery of Sydney”或“Sydney's scenery”。同时去掉口语填充词“umm”。

× Also I prefer just look outside the window by my eyes and I think by using my eyes I will more feel more relaxed and close to the nature.

✓ Also I prefer just to look out of the window with my own eyes, and I think using my eyes helps me feel more relaxed and closer to nature.

原句中“by my eyes”和“by using my eyes I will more feel more relaxed”用法不自然；应使用不定式结构“to look”及短语“look out of the window”或“look through the window”，并把“close to the nature”改为“closer to nature”。此外删除重复的“more”。

× Actually I don't always take photos.

✓ Actually, I don't always take photos.

该句语法本身基本正确，但缺少逗号使口语书面化建议加逗号以分隔插入语“Actually”。此处归为句子结构调整建议以提高可读性。

× Well, I prefer the sea because I think sea gives me a sense of happiness and umm, it's really large.

✓ Well, I prefer the sea because I think the sea gives me a sense of happiness, and it's really vast.

名词前需加定冠词“the sea”。“large”用于描述海不太自然，改用“vast”更恰当。保留一般现在时“prefer/think”与主句时态一致。

× You know, it was blue and I like the color of blue and it was soft.

✓ You know, it's blue, and I like that color; the sea looks calm and gentle.

此处时态应与一般现在时一致，用“it's blue”而非“it was blue”。“the color of blue”冗长，可简化为“that color”。“it was soft”描述海时用词不当，改为“calm and gentle”更符合语境。