Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct grammar, and avoid repetition. Start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Fix common errors (e.g. "at there" -> "there", "listening music" -> "listening to music"). Keep to 2–3 sentences and vary vocabulary (e.g. "view", "landscape").

例: I do like looking out the window when I travel, even though I don't travel often. It helps me relax because the landscapes are peaceful, and I often listen to music while watching the scenery to unwind.

提案: Clarify meaning and correct word choice. Use linking words to contrast ideas (e.g. "However"), and be specific about what you mean by "scanner" (probably "scenery"). Avoid small grammar mistakes and keep to 2–3 sentences. Mention a brief reason for posting on social media to add content.

例: It depends. I rarely take photos at night because the pictures usually turn out grainy; however, if I see beautiful daytime scenery I take photos and post them on social media to share the view with my friends.

提案: Give a clear, grammatically correct topic sentence and then one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Remove hesitations, correct tense and word choice (e.g. "I prefer the sea", "every summer we go to swim", "we had a picnic"). Keep answers within 2–3 sentences and include a brief example or memory to support your preference.

例: I prefer the sea. Every summer my family and I go to the beach to swim and have picnics, which is always fun and relaxing; for example, last summer we spent the afternoon swimming and had a long picnic on the sand.

× Well, I don't travel much, but I really love when I'm traveling to look at the scenery because the atmosphere at there is really fantastic and I really relax when I'm doing it while listening music and looking at the scenery.

✓ Well, I don't travel much, but I really love looking at the scenery when I travel because the atmosphere there is really fantastic and I really relax when I do it while listening to music and looking at the scenery.

Multiple present tense and related usage problems: 'love when I'm traveling to look at' is wordy and awkward; use simple present 'love looking' for habitual preference. 'when I travel' is more natural than 'when I'm traveling' here. 'the atmosphere at there' misuses preposition 'at' (see preposition rules) and extra article; correct is 'the atmosphere there'. 'I really relax when I'm doing it' should be 'I really relax when I do it' to match habitual action. 'listening music' requires preposition 'to': 'listening to music'. Suggest using concise, natural present tense constructions for habits.

× Well it really depends. When I travel at night I don't really take much the because of the photo quality.

✓ Well, it really depends. When I travel at night I don't really take many photos because of the photo quality.

'take much the' is incorrect. 'Much' is used with uncountable nouns, but 'photos' is countable; use 'many photos'. The extra word 'the' is erroneous. Also clarify 'take photos' rather than 'take' alone. Suggest: use 'many' with plural countable nouns and place the noun after the quantifier.

× But if I go somewhere that has a scanner, beautiful scanner, I definitely take a picture and post it on the social media.

✓ But if I go somewhere with a beautiful scenery, I definitely take a picture and post it on social media.

'scanner' is incorrect word choice; likely intended 'scenery' or 'landscape'. The clause 'somewhere that has a scanner, beautiful scanner' is ungrammatical and repetitive. 'post it on the social media' incorrectly uses the definite article; say 'on social media'. Suggest replacing incorrect noun with 'beautiful scenery' and using correct article usage.

× Well, umm, I would say I prefer, I prefer sea.

✓ Well, umm, I would say I prefer the sea.

Missing definite article: when talking about a generic sea preference, use 'the sea'. Also remove repetition 'I prefer, I prefer'. Suggest concise phrasing 'I prefer the sea'.

× The reason is because in eve it's each summer we had to see to swim with my family.

✓ The reason is that every summer we get to swim with my family.

Multiple errors: 'in eve it's each summer' is ungrammatical. Use 'every summer' to indicate regular occurrence. 'we had to see to swim' is incorrect—probably intended 'we get to swim' or 'we go to swim'. Use 'get to swim' for opportunity or 'go swimming' for activity. Also 'The reason is because' is redundant; preferable 'The reason is that'. Suggest: 'The reason is that every summer we get to swim with my family.'

× It's really enjoyable. Last time we went there with it, umm, picnic there and.

✓ It's really enjoyable. Last time we went there we had a picnic.

Unfinished and ungrammatical sentence: 'went there with it, umm, picnic there and' is confused. Use a clear past tense narration: 'Last time we went there we had a picnic.' This corrects past tense usage and sentence structure, removing unnecessary words. Suggest keeping past-tense verb 'had' for completed action and a clear subject.