Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Make the answer more concise and complete. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details linked with a connector. Avoid fillers (uh, umm) and finish the thought so the response does not trail off. Also correct small grammar (e.g., 'especially' and plural agreement).

例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel. For example, I enjoy watching rural scenery such as mountains and rivers because it feels peaceful, and I sometimes take photos to remember the view. However, if I am very tired I usually rest instead.

提案: Make the response more varied and concise. Use linking words to connect ideas (for example, 'so' or 'because') and add a specific example or brief detail about how you take photos (phone or camera) to show concreteness. Reduce repetition of 'like'.

例: Yes, I often take photos of scenery from the car window because I want to preserve memories. For instance, I usually use my phone to photograph mountain ranges and river bends, and looking at these pictures years later gives me a strong nostalgic feeling.

提案: Provide a clear topic sentence stating preference (or that you like both), then give two concise, specific reasons using linking phrases (for example, 'because' and 'while'). Correct minor grammar (e.g., 'at the beach', 'free-diving' or 'freediving', 'different feelings they give'). Keep to 2–3 sentences total.

例: I like both the mountains and the sea because each offers a different experience. For example, I enjoy hiking and camping at mountain peaks because of the impressive views, while at the beach I go freediving to feel weightless and explore marine life.

× I do sometimes, uh, I like to watch the view, specially if I'm going to a rural area that has a very good scenic view of the mountains or the rivers.

✓ I do sometimes. I like to watch the view, especially if I'm going to a rural area that has a very scenic view of the mountains or the rivers.

The word 'specially' is commonly used to mean 'for a special purpose', while 'especially' is the correct adverb to emphasize a particular case. Also the original sentence is a run-on with a comma splice; separate independent clauses with a period or conjunction. Suggestion: use 'especially' and split the clauses for clarity.

× I like that, umm, but most of the time when I'm traveling and I'm tired, I really like.

✓ I like that, but most of the time when I'm traveling and I'm tired, I just rest.

The original ends with an incomplete clause 'I really like' which is nonsensical here and makes the sentence a fragment. Replace with a verb phrase that completes the thought (e.g., 'I just rest'). Also remove filler 'umm' in formal speech.

× I do. I like taking photos of the views that I'm seeing.

✓ I do. I like taking photos of the views I see.

While 'that I'm seeing' is not grammatically wrong, it is wordy and awkward in this context. Use the simple present 'I see' or a reduced relative clause 'the views I see' for naturalness. This fits habitual action.

× I like to keep memories of the things that I like to see so that when I check the pictures years after I will get the nostalgic feeling.

✓ I like to keep memories of the things I see so that when I check the pictures years later I will get a nostalgic feeling.

Use 'years later' rather than 'years after' for time reference. Reduce 'that I like to see' to 'I see' for concision. Also use 'a nostalgic feeling' (article) and maintain future 'will get' is acceptable. Ensure word order 'years later' improves naturalness.

× I actually like both, I like the feeling of being in high places so when I go to the mountains like hiking and do camping at the peak of the mountain and while I'm in the beach I like to do free diving.

✓ I actually like both. I like the feeling of being in high places, so when I go to the mountains I go hiking and camp near the peak, and when I'm at the beach I like to go freediving.

The original sentence is a run-on and uses 'while I'm in the beach' which is incorrect preposition and article usage; it should be 'at the beach'. Also verb forms are inconsistent: 'like hiking and do camping' should be parallel: 'go hiking and camp'. 'Free diving' is better written as 'freediving' or 'go freediving'. Split into clearer clauses.

× So both have different feelings it gives.

✓ So both give me different feelings.

The original is ungrammatical: 'So both have different feelings it gives' is an awkward word order and contains redundancy. Use 'both give me different feelings' or 'they give different feelings' for correct subject-verb-object order and clarity.