Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, correct vocabulary, reduce hesitation and provide a clear topic sentence plus one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words (for example, “because” or “so”) to connect ideas and avoid redundancy. Also correct mistakes like “Windows 8” to “window” and finish the sentence fully.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy seeing nature and everyday life. For example, I like to watch different types of trees and birds, and I often notice how people commute or shop in their neighborhoods.

提案: Start with a direct statement, avoid mixed idioms and grammar errors, and limit to a couple of precise details. Replace informal or incorrect phrases (e.g., “never miss the boat” and “to taking a picture”) with correct expressions. Use linking words like “so” or “because” to explain reasons concisely.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window because I want to remember special views. For instance, when I visit a new place I photograph unusual buildings or striking landscapes and later look back at them in my travel album.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then add one or two specific reasons. Reduce hesitation and correct vague or incorrect phrases (e.g., “nature of you”). Use linking words such as “because” and “for example” to organize reasons and provide a concrete example of mountain activities or cultural observations.

例: I prefer the mountains because the air is fresher and the scenery is peaceful. For example, I enjoy hiking on trails to see native plants and sometimes visit small villages to learn about local customs and food.

× Yes uh, I love Windows 8 whenever I'm traveling by bus or car because, uh, with this, I can see nature and I can see different type of trees, birds and I can also see how people live their life, what they do in their daily life and.

✓ Yes, uh, I love windows whenever I'm traveling by bus or car because with them I can see nature; I can see different types of trees and birds, and I can also see how people live and what they do in their daily lives.

Problems: incorrect pronoun reference ('this' does not match plural 'windows'); incorrect capitalization ('Windows 8' seems wrong for car windows) and incorrect pronoun number ('their life' should be 'their lives'). Also pluralization issues ('different type' -> 'different types'). Suggestions: use 'them' to refer to windows, use plural nouns where appropriate, and use 'their lives' for people in general. Ensure punctuation and conjunctions join clauses correctly.

× Of course, uh, whenever I see a good view or something interesting, then I never miss the boat, uh, to taking a picture and I always keep it as a memory that whenever I visit a new locations.

✓ Of course, uh, whenever I see a good view or something interesting, I never miss the chance to take a picture, and I always keep it as a memory whenever I visit a new location.

Problems: incorrect idiom ('miss the boat' is informal and combined with wrong verb form), incorrect verb form ('to taking' should be 'to take'), and incorrect pluralization ('a new locations' -> 'a new location'). Suggestions: use correct idiom or 'chance', use infinitive 'to take', and match singular/plural forms.

× I prefer the mountains because I, I can enjoy the fresh air and I can see the nature of you and on the mountains, I can see the different type of, uh, cultures, uh, which, which people living there.

✓ I prefer the mountains because I can enjoy the fresh air and see nature, and on the mountains I can see different types of cultures and how the people living there live.

Problems: pluralization errors ('different type' -> 'different types'), awkward phrase 'the nature of you' (nonsensical; likely 'see nature'), and sentence structure issues at the end ('which people living there' needs a verb). Suggestions: remove redundant pronouns, use plural forms for 'types', and complete the relative clause (e.g., 'and how the people living there live' or better 'and how the people who live there live').