Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and use clear sentence structure: give a direct topic sentence, then one or two specific supporting details with appropriate linking words. Avoid repetition and incorrect phrasing (e.g., “that is, that is”, “strange scenery, not unfamiliar scenery”).

例: Yes. I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy observing local life and landscapes. For example, I like watching people at markets or unusual buildings, and I find that these scenes help me learn about a place’s culture.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence and use smoother phrasing. Use linking words to connect reasons and give a specific example. Correct article and noun forms (e.g., “take pictures”, “keep in my memory”).

例: Yes, I often take pictures from the car window because I want to capture things that are new or unusual to me. For instance, last month I photographed an old temple I had never seen before so I could remember its details later.

提案: Answer directly and use contrasting linking words (e.g., “but”, “however”) to explain change in preference. Use correct tense and clearer expressions (e.g., “I preferred mountains when I lived in Korea”). Provide one specific reason for each preference.

例: I used to prefer mountains when I lived in Korea because I enjoyed hiking and quiet nature trails. However, after moving to Australia I began to prefer the sea because I can relax on the beach and watch the waves, which suits my lifestyle here.

× Yes, that is, that is my one of the favorite things when I ride a car or bus, because the scenery, especially the scenery is the strange scenery, not unfamiliar scenery is very interesting, and I always look out the through the window.

✓ Yes, that is one of my favorite things when I ride in a car or bus, because the scenery, especially the unfamiliar scenery, is very interesting, and I always look out the window.

Problems: article use and extra words. 'my one of the favorite things' should be 'one of my favorite things' (word order and article use). Use 'ride in a car' not 'ride a car'. 'the scenery, especially the scenery is the strange scenery, not unfamiliar scenery' is redundant and confusing; use 'especially the unfamiliar scenery'. Remove extra 'the' before 'through the window' and change to 'look out the window' or 'look out of the window'; here 'look out the window' is natural. Suggestions: place 'one of my favorite things' correctly, use 'in' with vehicles like car/bus, remove redundant phrases, and use correct article usage with 'unfamiliar scenery'.

× Yes I do. I like the taking. I like to take picture when when something's the object is unfamiliar or something's new for me. I usually take a picture and keep in the my memory.

✓ Yes, I do. I like taking photos. I like to take pictures when something is unfamiliar or new to me. I usually take a picture to keep in my memory.

Problems: incorrect use of gerund and noun forms and articles. 'I like the taking' is incorrect; use 'I like taking' or 'I like to take'. 'take picture' needs plural or an article: 'take pictures' or 'take a picture'. 'when when something's the object is unfamiliar' has extra words and wrong structure; simplify to 'when something is unfamiliar or new to me'. 'keep in the my memory' has extra article 'the'; use 'keep in my memory' or better 'keep in my memories'. Suggestions: use 'taking' without 'the' for general liking, use plural 'pictures' for general actions, avoid redundant words and extra articles, and prefer 'new to me' rather than 'new for me'.

× When I live in Korea, I prefer few of the mountains and I I loved like, I loved to hike the mountain.

✓ When I lived in Korea, I preferred some of the mountains and I loved to hike the mountains.

Problems: tense and word choice. The speaker refers to past time so use past tense 'lived' and 'preferred'. 'prefer few of the mountains' is unidiomatic; use 'preferred some mountains' or 'preferred the mountains' depending on meaning. 'I I loved like, I loved to hike the mountain' has repetition and singular/plural mismatch: use 'I loved to hike the mountains' (general activity) or 'a mountain' if singular. Suggestions: match past tense when describing past residence, avoid filler words like 'like' when not needed, and use plural 'mountains' for general hiking activities.

× But when I moved to Australia, in Australia is surrounded by the sea, so I like to go to beach and I like to watch the sea.

✓ But when I moved to Australia, Australia is surrounded by the sea, so I like to go to the beach and I like to watch the sea.

Problems: preposition and article use. 'in Australia is surrounded by the sea' is awkward; better 'Australia is surrounded by the sea' without initial 'in'. 'go to beach' needs the article 'the': 'go to the beach'. Suggestions: drop unnecessary preposition at sentence start, and use 'the beach' when referring to beaches in general in this context.