Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and clear. Start with a direct topic sentence that answers the question, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid unclear phrases and grammar mistakes (e.g., "Why was our car or bus?"). Use correct tense and pronouns.

例: Yes, I often look out the window when I travel by bus or car because I enjoy watching the changing scenery. For example, I like spotting old buildings and parks along the route, which helps me learn more about a city. Also, I feel relaxed watching people and traffic pass by.

提案: Answer directly and improve grammatical accuracy and specificity. Use linking words to connect reasons and examples, and correct tense and articles (e.g., "when I get back home", "the beautiful sun"). Limit to up to five sentences and avoid repetition.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the window because I like to record memorable views and review them when I get back home. For example, I frequently photograph mountains, sunsets, or interesting streets, and later I use those pictures to remember the trip or share them with friends.

提案: Be decisive and use clearer vocabulary. Start with a direct choice, then give two specific reasons linked with words like "because" and "for example." Avoid vague words ("symbols", "mastery") and fix grammar ("I feel small").

例: I prefer the mountains because they make me feel small and peaceful, surrounded by fresh air and quiet. For example, hiking a mountain trail lets me see wide views and discover plants and wildlife, which I find more interesting than the beach.

× I like all.

✓ I like them all.

The sentence uses the pronoun 'all' without a clear object. Use 'them all' to refer to things (scenery, views) previously mentioned. This provides a correct object for the verb 'like' and clarifies meaning. Suggestion: use 'them all' or specify the noun: 'I like all of the scenery.'

× Why was our car or bus?

✓ Why was it our car or bus?

The original is ungrammatical as a question and lacks a clear subject. If the speaker meant to ask 'Why was it a car or bus?' rephrase to 'Why was it our car or bus?' or better 'Do you mean in a car or on a bus?' Ensure subject 'it' is present and word order is correct for questions. Note: If the intended meaning is different, choose an alternative phrasing that clarifies the question.

× I want to know this city.

✓ I want to get to know this city.

The verb 'know' can be used statively; to express the process of becoming familiar with a city, use 'get to know' or 'know more about'. This keeps the present-tense desire 'I want' while using the appropriate collocation. Suggestion: 'I want to learn more about this city.'

× I traveled more.

✓ I have traveled more.

If the speaker intends to say they have visited more places up to now, the present perfect 'have traveled' is appropriate. If they meant in the past relative to another time, use past simple with a clearer timeframe: 'I traveled more when I was younger.' Suggestion: choose tense to match intended time reference.

× I always take a picture of the view outside the window because I want to record the view and I can review it when I back home.

✓ I always take pictures of the view outside the window because I want to record it and I can review it when I get back home.

Corrections: plural 'pictures' is more natural with 'always'; avoid repeating 'view' by using the pronoun 'it'; the verb phrase 'get back home' is the correct form for returning. Also maintain parallel structure. Suggestion: '...when I get back home' or '...when I return home.'

× For example, I always take the photo of a beautiful mountain, a beautiful sun.

✓ For example, I always take photos of a beautiful mountain or a beautiful sunrise.

Use plural 'photos' to match 'always'; 'sun' as a count noun in this context is unnatural — 'sunrise' or 'sunset' is more idiomatic. Use 'or' instead of a comma to list alternatives. Suggestion: '...photos of a beautiful mountain or a beautiful sunrise.'

× Umm I like symbols but if I want to choose I will choose the mountain because the mountain is big and it will give me a sense I was small and the nature is so interesting and mastery.

✓ Umm I like both, but if I had to choose, I would choose the mountains because they are big and make me feel small; nature is so interesting and majestic.

Multiple issues: 'symbols' is likely the wrong word; 'both' or specifying 'mountains and the sea' is better. Conditional preference requires 'if I had to choose, I would choose' (second conditional for hypothetical choice). Use plural 'mountains' and 'they are' for subject-verb agreement. 'Make me feel small' is the idiomatic expression; 'mastery' is incorrect — 'majestic' or 'majesticness' but better 'majestic.' Also punctuation and sentence segmentation improve clarity. Suggestion: use 'if I had to choose, I would choose the mountains' and replace 'mastery' with 'majestic' or 'majestic beauty.'