Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and fluency: use correct verb forms and add a brief topic sentence with one supporting reason. Keep it natural and concise (max 3–4 short sentences). For example, say you usually sleep and explain why. Use a linking word to connect sentences.

例: No, I usually don’t look out the window because I fall asleep on most bus or car journeys. As a result, I miss the scenery, especially on long trips, and I only wake up near my destination.

提案: Correct grammar and be more specific: use proper tense and word order, avoid vague phrases like “maybe.” Provide a clear reason and one short detail (when or why). Use a linking word to show cause and effect.

例: I rarely take photos of the view from a car window because I usually fall asleep during the trip. Even when I am awake, the scenery often looks blurred through the glass, so the pictures don’t turn out well.

提案: Improve clarity, vocabulary and grammar: start with a clear topic sentence, give two brief specific reasons, and avoid incorrect words (e.g. “sweat” not “swear”). Use linking words like ‘because’ and ‘also’.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy water activities such as swimming and paddleboarding. Also, the seaside feels cooler and more relaxing for me, whereas mountains can be hot and uncomfortable in summer.

× Usually not, because when I travelling by bus or car I always sleep.

✓ Usually not, because when I travel by bus or car I always sleep.

The sentence uses 'travelling' incorrectly after 'when I'; the correct simple present form is 'travel' for habitual actions. Use 'travel' to match the present habitual 'always sleep'. Suggestion: use base verb after subject in simple present for habits (I travel).

× I seldom take photos of the scenery outside the car windows because I always going sleep, so when I look out the windows maybe not very beautiful.

✓ I seldom take photos of the scenery outside the car windows because I always sleep, so when I look out the windows it may not be very beautiful.

There are two issues: 'always going sleep' is incorrect; to express habitual action use simple present 'always sleep' (or 'always fall asleep'). Also the clause 'maybe not very beautiful' needs a subject and correct modal: use 'it may not be very beautiful'. Suggestions: replace 'going sleep' with 'sleep' or 'fall asleep' and add 'it' before 'may'.

× I prefer the sea because I love to play the water game.

✓ I prefer the sea because I love to play water games.

'Play the water game' is unidiomatic; use plural 'water games' or 'water sports' to express activities. Use simple present 'love' for habitual preference. Suggestion: say 'play water games' or 'do water sports'.

× I think it's will cool and the mountain is going hot so I don't like to swear so I like the sea.

✓ I think it will be cool and the mountains will be hot, so I don't like to sweat; therefore I like the sea.

Multiple errors: 'it's will cool' mixes contractions and future auxiliary; correct future is 'it will be cool'. 'the mountain is going hot' is incorrect—use 'the mountains will be hot' or 'it will be hot in the mountains'. 'swear' is a wrong word; likely intended 'sweat'. Also tense consistency: use future 'will' for weather predictions. Suggestion: say 'I think it will be cool and the mountains will be hot, so I don't like to sweat, and I prefer the sea.'