Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more grammatical, concise and complete. Start with a clear topic sentence that answers directly, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid fragments and incorrect vocabulary (e.g. "screwing" is wrong here). Keep to fewer than five sentences.

例: Yes, I do. I really enjoy looking out of the window when I travel because the changing scenery helps me relax. For example, I like watching countryside fields and old buildings pass by, and I often notice small details I would miss if I were staring at my phone.

提案: Good direct answer and reason. Make it more specific by giving an example and using a linking word to connect your ideas. Also avoid vague phrases like "enjoy the movement"—explain what you mean.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I like how the landscape changes quickly. For instance, I recently photographed a bright sunset and a line of mountains, which looked different every minute as we drove past.

提案: Make your answer grammatically correct and more coherent. Begin with a clear preference sentence, then explain why with specific reasons and examples. Avoid unclear words like "planets" and awkward phrasing. Use linking words such as "because" and "for example."

例: I prefer the mountains because I enjoy being surrounded by trees and fresh air. For example, hiking among pine forests helps me feel calm and I like the quiet atmosphere more than the busy beaches.

× Just I really love to see the scenery through the window, especially in the transportation.

✓ I really love to see the scenery through the window, especially when I'm traveling.

The original sentence has incorrect word order ('Just I') and a vague phrase 'in the transportation'. Use natural subject-first order and a correct phrase for the activity: 'I really love' + clause 'when I'm traveling'. This fixes sentence structure and tense consistency. Suggestion: Place the subject before modifiers and use 'when I'm traveling' instead of 'in the transportation'.

× I think that many people are screwing their phones, but I.

✓ I think that many people are on their phones, but I'm not.

'Screwing their phones' is incorrect word choice; the intended meaning is likely 'using' or 'on' their phones. The sentence fragment 'but I.' is incomplete. Replace with 'but I'm not' to complete the contrast. Use 'are on their phones' for natural English. Suggestion: Use 'on their phones' or 'using their phones' and complete the contrast with a full clause.

× Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I really enjoy the movement and the scenery changes.

✓ Yes, I often take photos of the scenery outside the car window because I really enjoy the movement and the changing views.

'Scenery changes' is grammatically possible but sounds awkward; 'changing views' is more natural. Keep present simple 'often take' to match habitual action. This adjustment improves word choice and fluency. Suggestion: Use noun phrases like 'changing views' for smoother expression.

× I would say that I prefer the mountains this years because I really think that close to the trees and surrounded by the trees and planets is really enjoyed.

✓ I would say that I prefer the mountains these days because I really enjoy being close to and surrounded by trees.

Errors: 'this years' should be 'these days' or 'this year' depending on meaning; plural/singular mismatch. Phrase 'is really enjoyed' is passive and ungrammatical here; use active form 'I really enjoy'. 'Planets' is incorrect word choice—likely intended 'plants' or redundant; removed. Recast sentence for natural word order: 'enjoy being close to and surrounded by trees.' Suggestion: Use 'these days' for current preference, use active verbs ('I enjoy'), and choose correct nouns ('plants' if intended) or omit irrelevant words.