Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise, use correct tense and vocabulary, and organize your answer with a clear topic sentence plus 1–2 specific supporting details. Avoid filler words (uh) and repetitions. Use linking words (for example, when, especially) to make ideas coherent. Correct word choices: use 'scenery' not 'scenario', 'when I travel' or 'while travelling', and 'if it is raining' or 'in the rain'.

例: I usually look out of the window when travelling by car. I especially enjoy seeing trees and animals when we pass through rural roads, and I like watching the rain because it makes the landscape more dramatic. For example, last month I saw deer near a roadside forest and the view was beautiful.

提案: Start with a direct statement, correct grammar (e.g., 'I take photos' not 'I take your photos'), and give one specific example of what you photograph. Keep it to 2–3 sentences, use linking words (because, so, for example), and avoid repeated phrases. Mention why you take photos and what you do with them afterwards.

例: Yes, I often take photos of the view outside the window because I find the landscapes and wildlife beautiful. For instance, I photographed a rainy country road and some birds last weekend, and I later shared the best pictures with my family.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then add 2 specific reasons with linking words (because, and, for example). Use correct phrasing (e.g., 'I prefer the sea' and 'the sound of the waves') and avoid hesitation. Be specific about how the sea affects you (relaxing, fresh air, scenery) and include a brief example or contrast with mountains.

例: I prefer the sea because the sound of the waves relaxes me and the fresh sea air feels refreshing. For example, when I walk along the beach I feel calmer than when I hike in the mountains, and I enjoy watching fish near the shore.

× Yeah, I'll have to look out the window from my car.

✓ Yeah, I like to look out the window when I'm in my car.

Original uses 'I'll have to' which implies future obligation and does not match intended habitual action. Change to 'I like to look out the window' to express preference and 'when I'm in my car' for correct present continuous time reference.

× Uh, when I was traveling, I love to see the scenario when there is a tree, uh, there was an animal outside when we are going in the jungles, uh, roads.

✓ When I was traveling, I loved seeing the scenery: trees and animals when we were going through the jungle roads.

Mixed tenses: 'was traveling' (past) should match 'loved' not 'love'. Use past forms 'loved' and 'were' and correct noun 'scenery' and preposition 'through the jungle roads'. Also change 'scenario' to 'scenery' and remove redundant fillers.

× So it's good.

✓ So it's nice.

'Good' is acceptable but 'nice' fits better with describing sights; this is a style improvement rather than strict grammar. No tense error.

× It's I love to see the if there is rain.

✓ I also love to see it when it is raining.

Original mixes 'It's' and 'I love' and has incorrect clause order. Use 'I also love to see it when it is raining' to express preference with correct present continuous 'is raining'.

× So yeah, I'll have to see or.

✓ So yeah, I like to look at the view.

Original is incomplete and unclear ('see or'). Provide a complete sentence that conveys the intended meaning: present habitual preference using 'like to look at the view'.

× Yeah, I take your photos, uh, outside the windows because, uh, there is some beautiful views for the tree, for the animals and for the road if there is having some rain.

✓ Yeah, I take photos outside the window because there are some beautiful views of the trees, animals, and the road, especially when it is raining.

Errors: 'take your photos' is wrong pronoun, should be 'take photos'; 'windows' singular 'window' fits context; 'there is some beautiful views' mixes singular 'is' with plural 'views'—use 'there are'; 'for the tree' -> 'of the trees'; 'if there is having some rain' -> 'when it is raining'.

× So it's like very, very love to see outside, but it, it's good to capture in our phone.

✓ I really love to look outside, and it's good to capture the view on my phone.

Original has incorrect structure 'like very, very love' and pronoun 'our phone' inconsistent with singular speaker. Use 'I really love' and 'capture the view on my phone'.

× So, uh, when I came back, then we can see.

✓ So, when I come back, I can look at the photos.

Mixed past and present: 'came back' (past) conflicts with 'we can see' (present). Use present 'come back' to match 'can'. Also clarify who sees photos: speaker uses 'I'.

× I prefer to see the seas because, uh, the waves, the waves are coming from the sea.

✓ I prefer to see the sea because of the waves; they come from the ocean.

'Seas' plural is not wrong but context prefers singular 'the sea'. 'Waves are coming' should be simplified to present simple 'they come' for habitual action. Also reduce repetition.

× It's, it's that sound I like so much and it's fresh air gave a peaceful mind.

✓ I love that sound so much and the fresh air gives a peaceful feeling.

Tense/word form errors: 'gave' is past; use present 'gives' for habitual effect. 'peaceful mind' -> 'peaceful feeling' or 'peace of mind' is more natural.

× Uh, there is some fishes who are, uh, the coming out of from the sea.

✓ Sometimes fish come out of the sea.

'There is some fishes' mixes singular 'is' with plural 'fishes'—use 'fish' or 'fish come' and correct structure to 'come out of the sea'. Avoid unnecessary relative clauses.

× That's good to see the sea.

✓ It's wonderful to see the sea.

Stylistic improvement: 'That's good to see the sea' is awkward; 'It's wonderful to see the sea' is natural present simple describing general preference.

× I prefer the sea.

✓ I prefer the sea.

This sentence is already correct; no change needed.