Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and fluent. Start with a clear topic sentence (Yes/No + brief reason), avoid repetition and filler words, correct grammar (use present simple or present continuous consistently) and use one or two supporting details with linking words. Also replace vague phrases ("seasick") with appropriate collocation ("travel sick" or "car sick").

例: Yes, I would like to look out the window, but I usually don't because I get travel sick when I ride in cars or buses. For that reason, I focus on resting or looking at my phone instead of enjoying the view.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and two concise supporting reasons connected with linking words. Remove repetitions and correct grammar ("instead of taking" not "to taking"). Use more natural vocabulary ("not keen on photography").

例: No, I seldom take photos of the scenery. Firstly, I often feel travel sick when I look outside; secondly, I'm not keen on photography, so I prefer to remember scenes with my own eyes rather than taking many pictures.

提案: Open with a direct statement of preference, then give one or two clear reasons with linking words. Fix grammar ("I have a problem with my knees"), avoid awkward phrasing ("reasoning sample"), and use specific vocabulary ("hiking", "coast", "relaxing"). Keep within 3–4 sentences.

例: I prefer the sea. I'm not a fan of hiking because I have knee problems and need to avoid strenuous climbs, so I can't fully enjoy mountain views. By contrast, the coast is relaxing and easier for me to explore.

× The truth is, although I am, I'm willing to. I'm willing to do so.

✓ The truth is that although I am willing, I often cannot because of nausea.

The original has awkward phrasing and repetition; 'although I am, I'm willing to' is not grammatical structure. Use 'although I am willing' and combine into one coherent clause. This corrects sentence structure (type 10) and improves clarity. Suggestion: combine clauses and place participles properly.

× My nausea stopped me from doing that because I'm I often have seasick when I traveled on bus or car etcetera, despite the beautiful scenery.

✓ My nausea stops me from doing that because I often get seasick when I travel by bus or car, despite the beautiful scenery.

Errors: incorrect adjective 'seasick' used after 'have' and tense inconsistency. Use 'get seasick' or 'feel nauseous'; use present tense 'stops' and 'travel' to match habitual action. Also use preposition 'by' for transport. This fixes adjective/adverb misuse (13) and tense consistency (6).

× I seldom do so and the reason is that I I often feel nauseous when I look out the window.

✓ I seldom do, because I often feel nauseous when I look out the window.

Redundant words 'I I' removed; streamline conjunction. Maintain simple present for habitual action. This addresses present tense usage (6) and eliminates repetition.

× And the second reason is that I'm not a fan of taking photos. So I always, I always try to remember things with with my own eyes instead of to taking a lot of pictures.

✓ And the second reason is that I'm not a fan of taking photos, so I always try to remember things with my own eyes instead of taking a lot of pictures.

Error: incorrect use 'instead of to taking' — after 'instead of' use gerund form only. Also remove duplicate words. This fixes verb + -ing form error (8).

× I prefer the sea and the reasoning sample is simple because I'm I'm not a climber, I think there are some disease on my knees and I have to protect my knees, so I seldom go climbing, which makes it difficult for me to enjoy the mountainside views while the the sea is much better for me.

✓ I prefer the sea. The reason is simple: I'm not a climber. I think I have some problems with my knees and I have to protect them, so I seldom go climbing, which makes it difficult for me to enjoy mountainside views, while the sea is much better for me.

Multiple errors: tense and wording ('reasoning sample' incorrect), repetition 'I'm I'm' and 'the the', wrong noun form 'disease' should be 'problems' or 'an issue', pronoun reference 'my knees' repeated—use 'them'. Keep present tense for preferences and habitual actions. This addresses present tense issues (6), incorrect word choice (13), and pronoun usage (12).