Travelling— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your reply with a clear topic sentence followed by one or two specific supporting details. Use linking words to connect ideas and avoid repetition (e.g., avoid repeating "love" too often). Also vary vocabulary (use observe, notice, appreciate) and keep to 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes, I usually look out of the window when I travel because I find the changing landscape interesting. For example, I often notice different types of trees and local architecture, which helps me learn about new places. As a nature lover, I especially enjoy scenic views that feel peaceful and refreshing.

提案: Start with a direct topic sentence, then give one or two concise reasons with specific examples. Improve natural phrasing ("it makes me feel relaxed"), and avoid unnecessary words. Use linking words like "because" or "so" to connect reason and effect.

例: Yes, I often take photos from the window because photographing scenery makes me feel relaxed. For instance, I like capturing interesting buildings, coastal light at sunset, or unusual trees, and I later review the pictures to remember the trip.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then support it with one or two specific, relevant reasons. Avoid slang like "water baby" without brief explanation and fix small grammar issues ("I was a state-level player back in my home country"). Keep it to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer the sea because I enjoy swimming and find the ocean very calming. For example, I used to compete as a state-level swimmer back home, so being near water helps me relax and feel peaceful.

× I love to view outside scenery as I'm a person who loves to travel a lot and whatever I see, I observe it and I learn from those things.

✓ I love viewing the scenery outside, because I'm a person who loves to travel a lot, and whatever I see I observe and learn from it.

The original uses the infinitive 'to view' where a gerund 'viewing' is more natural after 'love' when referring to a general activity. 'Outside scenery' is more naturally 'the scenery outside'. Also the clause 'whatever I see, I observe it and I learn from those things' is redundant and unidiomatic; 'learn from it' refers back to 'whatever I see' and avoids incorrect plural reference 'those things'. Improve by using gerund for habitual actions and clearer pronoun reference.

× And as I am a nature lover, I love to see a scenic view.

✓ And since I am a nature lover, I love seeing scenic views.

After 'love' the gerund 'seeing' is preferred for general habits. 'A scenic view' is singular and unnecessary; plural 'scenic views' fits the general statement. 'As' to mean 'because' can be replaced by 'since' for clarity but 'as' is acceptable; main issue is verb + -ing and noun number.

× Yes definitely, I take photos of the scenery view which I see from my window as it keeps me feel relaxed and stress free as I'm very much fond of nature like plants, architecture and even sun.

✓ Yes, definitely. I take photos of the scenery I see from my window because it helps me feel relaxed and stress-free, since I'm very fond of nature, such as plants, architecture, and even the sun.

Use 'scenery I see' rather than 'scenery view which I see' (redundant). The clause should use 'helps me feel' not 'keeps me feel' (incorrect verb collocation). Add hyphen in 'stress-free'. Use 'since' or 'because' for reason. 'Like' should be 'such as' for examples, and 'the sun' requires the definite article. This fixes verb form and collocations.

× I prefer sea as I am a water baby, I love to swim and in my back in my home country I was a state level player.

✓ I prefer the sea because I'm a water baby; I love to swim, and back in my home country I was a state-level player.

Use 'the sea' with the definite article. 'Because' is clearer than 'as' for reason. 'In my back in my home country' is ungrammatical; use 'back in my home country'. 'State-level' needs a hyphen as a compound adjective. Tense 'was' is correct for past role; main fixes are article, word order, and hyphenation.

× So being in water it keeps me relaxed, calm, peaceful so I have my water baby that is.

✓ Being in the water keeps me relaxed, calm, and peaceful, so I guess you could say I'm a water baby.

Original sentence has awkward structure and redundancy. Use 'Being in the water keeps me...' for a clear subject. Include commas between adjectives and use a natural concluding phrase 'you could say I'm a water baby' instead of 'I have my water baby that is'. This corrects sentence structure and makes the meaning clear.