Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition, and use one or two specific details with linking words. Correct article use and word order (e.g., “natural environments”). Keep to no more than five sentences.

例: Yes — I love taking pictures of different views. For example, I often photograph mountains and traditional villages because their natural landscapes make me feel connected to nature. I especially enjoy capturing golden-hour light on mountain slopes, which highlights textures and colors.

提案: Give a direct answer first, then add one clear reason with linking words. Fix grammar and awkward phrases (e.g., ‘As I mentioned earlier’ instead of ‘AIDS previously’). Use comparative language correctly and avoid vague phrases like ‘authentic beauty’ without explanation.

例: I prefer views in rural areas. As I mentioned earlier, the natural beauty of mountains and countryside appeals to me because the scenery is quieter and more varied than in cities. For instance, rural landscapes offer panoramic mountain vistas and traditional villages that are ideal for photography.

提案: Answer directly and avoid repetition. Give one or two specific supporting points with linking words, and correct phrasing (e.g., ‘the land of mountains’ and ‘diverse landscapes’). Limit to a couple sentences and include a brief example or reason.

例: I prefer views in my own country, Nepal. It is known as the land of mountains and has extremely diverse landscapes, from high Himalayan peaks to terraced villages, so I can always find new scenes to photograph and explore.

× Yes, I obviously do.

✓ Yes, I do.

'Obviously' is an adverb meaning 'clearly' and can be used for emphasis, but it is unnecessary and slightly awkward in this short answer. A simple 'Yes, I do' is more natural and concise in spoken responses. If emphasis is needed, use 'I obviously do like that' or 'I obviously do' in a fuller sentence.

× I like taking pictures of especially mountains, villages, areas where natural, natural kind of environment.

✓ I like taking pictures especially of mountains, villages, and areas with a natural environment.

The original sentence has awkward word order and redundant words ('natural, natural kind of environment'). Place 'especially' before the list it modifies and use parallel structure with commas and 'and'. Replace 'areas where natural, natural kind of environment' with 'areas with a natural environment' for clarity and correct noun phrase structure.

× I feel more connected and I live there.

✓ I feel more connected when I am there.

The original 'I feel more connected and I live there' incorrectly links two unrelated ideas and uses present simple 'I live there' which changes meaning. To express feeling when present in those places, use 'I feel more connected when I am there.' This fixes sentence connection and tense/use of the verb 'be'.

× AIDS previously also I mentioned I loved the natural beauties of mountains, so I prefer the views in rural areas where there is a natural beauty landscape.

✓ As I mentioned previously, I love the natural beauty of mountains, so I prefer views in rural areas where there are natural landscapes.

The original begins with 'AIDS' (likely mispronunciation) and has poor word order. Use 'As I mentioned previously' or 'Previously I mentioned' for coherence. 'Natural beauties' is awkward; use 'natural beauty'. Use 'views' (plural) and 'there are natural landscapes' to agree in number and sound natural.

× Mountains are authentic beauty rather than the urban area.

✓ Mountains are authentically beautiful, unlike urban areas.

'Authentic beauty' is a noun phrase that doesn't fit directly after 'Mountains are'. Use the adjective form 'authentically beautiful' or 'truly beautiful'. Also use 'unlike urban areas' to contrast plural nouns and improve naturalness.

× I prefer the views in my own country Nepal, which is a developing country, which is also known as the lands of mountains and which is famous in the world in its diversity landscape.

✓ I prefer the views in my own country, Nepal, which is a developing country known as the land of mountains and famous worldwide for its diverse landscapes.

Use commas to set off the appositive 'Nepal'. Avoid repeating 'which is'; combine relative clauses: 'known as the land of mountains and famous worldwide for its diverse landscapes.' Use singular 'land' not 'lands' in this idiom and 'diverse landscapes' for natural phrasing.

× I love its natural beauty and I love Nepal's natural beauty.

✓ I love Nepal's natural beauty.

The original repeats the same idea twice ('I love its natural beauty and I love Nepal's natural beauty'). Combine into one concise sentence: 'I love Nepal's natural beauty.' This removes redundancy and preserves meaning.