Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid repeating phrases like “different views” and reduce hesitation. Also vary vocabulary (e.g., “scenery,” “backdrops,” “landscapes”).

例: Yes — I enjoy photographing different views because varied scenery provides interesting backdrops. For example, I like capturing city skylines at sunset and mountain landscapes in the morning, as they each create very different moods.

提案: Clarify and correct vocabulary, and remove fillers. Give a clear choice in the first sentence, then support with two concrete reasons using linking words (e.g., “because,” “for example”). Replace unclear phrase “royal Aurelius” with “rural areas.”

例: I prefer rural areas because they offer natural beauty and quieter scenes. For example, I enjoy photographing rolling fields and forests, which let me focus on textures and natural light.

提案: Be specific and expand slightly with one or two concrete examples. Begin with a direct answer, then explain why using linking words and correct plural forms (e.g., “historical places”). Avoid hesitation and use richer vocabulary like “heritage sites” or “architectural landmarks.”

例: I prefer photographing views in my own country because it has many historical places and unique architectural landmarks. For instance, I often visit old forts and temples to capture their intricate details and the stories they convey.

× Yes I do, because different views are good for background and I like to take different pictures in different views.

✓ Yes, I do, because different views make good backgrounds, and I like to take different pictures of different scenes.

The sentence uses 'good for background' which is awkward; 'make good backgrounds' is clearer (incorrect adjective/adverb usage). Also 'in different views' is repetitive and unnatural; 'of different scenes' or 'of different views' is better. Add commas for clarity and parallel structure. Suggested improvement: use 'make good backgrounds' and replace the second 'in different views' with 'of different scenes' and add commas to separate clauses.

× Uh, I do prefer royal Aurelius because, uh, there is no, there is, uh, natural beauty. So, uh, I, I like to capture pictures in, uh, rural areas. That's why.

✓ I prefer rural areas because there is more natural beauty, so I like to take pictures in the countryside.

Several issues: 'royal Aurelius' appears to be incorrect word choice (possibly meant 'rural areas'); this is a word/phrase error (adjective/noun usage). 'There is no, there is natural beauty' is contradictory and ungrammatical; use 'there is more natural beauty' or 'there is natural beauty'. 'Capture pictures in rural areas' is awkward; 'take pictures in the countryside' is natural. Remove filler words and repeated pronouns for fluency. Suggested improvement: replace incorrect term with 'rural areas', use 'there is more natural beauty' and say 'take pictures in the countryside'.

× I prefer my country because there is a lot of, uh, historical place. So I like to do photography in that kind of, uh, areas.

✓ I prefer my country because there are a lot of historical places, so I like to do photography in those kinds of areas.

The original has a number mismatch with 'there is' + 'a lot of historical place'. When indicating many countable items you must use 'there are' and plural 'places' (There be issue and singular/plural). Also 'that kind of areas' is inconsistent; use 'those kinds of areas' or 'that kind of area'. Remove fillers and combine into one clear sentence. Suggested improvement: use 'there are a lot of historical places' and 'those kinds of areas' or 'that kind of area' for grammatical agreement.