Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and organize your answer with a clear topic sentence followed by specific supporting details. Avoid repetition (e.g., “different things” and “new structures”) and limit yourself to up to five sentences. Add a linking word when giving examples to make the response coherent.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures when I go out. For example, I often photograph interesting buildings and candid portraits of people I meet, because these images capture unique moments and local character. Also, I like to share my photos online to remember the experience and get feedback.

提案: Start with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give one or two specific reasons using linking words. Correct contradictions (you say 'both' then praise buildings in open areas) and use precise vocabulary (e.g., 'urban' vs 'rural', 'landscapes', 'architecture').

例: I prefer both urban and rural views for different reasons. Urban areas appeal to me because of striking architecture and vibrant street scenes, whereas rural areas are attractive for their serene landscapes and natural light, which are ideal for photography.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and complete your supporting points with specific details and linking words. Avoid fillers like 'uh' and unfinished ideas. Explain exactly what you mean by 'meet new things'—for example, local architecture, food, or customs—and finish each thought in one or two concise sentences.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they expose me to different cultures and scenery. For instance, I enjoy photographing unfamiliar architecture and traditional markets, which teach me about local customs and broaden my perspective.

× I also like to take photos with beautiful people that I meet on the way and new structures that I find interesting and I love to share.

✓ I also like to take photos of beautiful people I meet along the way and of new structures that I find interesting, and I love to share them.

Pronoun and preposition usage: 'with beautiful people that I meet on the way' is odd; use 'of' to indicate subject of photos and 'along the way' is a natural prepositional phrase. The sentence also lacks an object for 'share'; add 'them' to refer to the photos. Combine clauses with commas to improve clarity.

× I would say both because they all have different significance and I love open areas because they are beautiful buildings, architectural structures that are so magnificent when the rural area.

✓ I would say both because they each have different appeal, and I love rural areas because they have beautiful buildings and architectural structures that are so magnificent.

Quantifier and article issues: 'they all' and 'different significance' are awkward; use 'each have different appeal'. 'I love open areas because they are beautiful buildings' is incorrect—subjects don't match; clarify by saying 'I love rural areas' and use 'they have' to describe what rural areas contain. Remove 'when the rural area' which is ungrammatical.

× I will say views in other countries For these reasons.

✓ I would say views in other countries for these reasons.

Modal/future choice: 'I will say' is inappropriate for giving an opinion in this context; 'I would say' is a more natural hedging modal. Also fix capitalization and run-on phrasing: 'for these reasons' should follow smoothly in the same sentence.

× Uh, first of all, you get to meet new things from a different cultural background, which is so impressive.

✓ First of all, you get to encounter new things from different cultural backgrounds, which is very impressive.

Awkward collocation and plurality: 'meet new things' is incorrect—use 'encounter new things' or 'experience new things'. 'A different cultural background' should be pluralized to 'different cultural backgrounds' to match 'new things'. 'Which is so impressive' is colloquial; 'very impressive' is clearer.

× And you learn new language, you meet.

✓ And you learn new languages and meet new people.

Verb and noun agreement: 'learn new language' needs plural or an article: 'learn new languages' or 'learn a new language'. The clause 'you meet' is incomplete; specify the object 'new people'. Use parallel structure with 'and' to connect two verbs.