Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and correct grammar and word choice. Start with a clear topic sentence, then give one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid awkward phrases like "travel along the road" and "so I can live, watch the atmosphere later."

例: Yes, I love taking pictures when I travel because they help me preserve memories of places and the people I meet. For example, I take both photos and short videos so I can relive the atmosphere later and easily share highlights with my friends online.

提案: Clarify and correct grammar, use linking words and specific examples smoothly. Keep sentences within the 5-sentence limit and avoid repetition ("diversities" and "different backgrounds").

例: I prefer urban views because I enjoy the lively atmosphere and cultural variety in cities. For example, places like JL Mall, open-air markets and festivals bring together people from different backgrounds, which makes city life continually interesting.

提案: Correct word choice and phrasing, begin with a direct topic sentence and then give specific reasons. Use linking words (e.g., "because," "for example") and provide one concrete example of what you enjoy seeing abroad.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they offer unfamiliar sights and cultural experiences. For example, visiting coastal villages or mountain markets abroad showed me different ways of life and gave me new perspectives on food and daily routines.

× I usually take both photos and short videos so I can live, watch the atmosphere later and share with my friends also online.

✓ I usually take both photos and short videos so I can relive and watch the atmosphere later and share them with my friends online.

The student wrote 'live' instead of the present participle 'relive' when referring to experiencing memories again; also 'share with my friends also online' is awkward and missing an object. Use 'relive' to mean experience again and 'share them with my friends online' to include the object 'them' (photos and videos) and correct word order. Suggestion: use 'relive' for recollecting experiences and place adverbs like 'online' after the verb phrase.

× I prefer urban areas because I enjoy the vibrant atmosphere and cultural diversities you can find in cities.

✓ I prefer urban areas because I enjoy the vibrant atmosphere and cultural diversity you can find in cities.

The plural 'diversities' is uncommon in this context; 'diversity' as an uncountable noun is correct when referring to variety in general. Use 'cultural diversity' to express the variety of cultures in cities.

× For example JL mall, restaurants, events and public space where people form different backgrounds make which makes city life more interesting.

✓ For example, places like JL Mall, restaurants, events and public spaces where people come from different backgrounds make city life more interesting.

The original sentence has word order and article errors and an extra 'which makes'. 'JL mall' should be capitalized as a proper noun and preceded by a phrase 'places like'. 'Public space' should be plural 'public spaces' to match other plural items. 'Form different backgrounds' is incorrect; use 'come from different backgrounds'. Remove redundant 'which makes' and rephrase to a clearer relative clause.

× I prefer the size in other countries because I have never seen them before and they offer unique cultural diversity.

✓ I prefer sights in other countries because I have never seen them before and they offer unique cultural diversity.

'The size' is incorrect; likely intended 'sights' or 'places'. This is a word choice error rather than a grammatical tense issue. Replace with 'sights' to match context. Keep present tense 'offer' to indicate general truth. Also ensure pronoun 'them' refers to 'sights' correctly.

× Seeing different landscape and way of life helps me understand how people can be different from me and give me new experiences.

✓ Seeing different landscapes and ways of life helps me understand how people can be different from me and gives me new experiences.

'Landscape' and 'way of life' should be plural to match the general meaning ('different kinds of landscapes' and 'different ways of life'). Subject 'Seeing ... helps' is singular so the verbs should be 'helps' and 'gives' (singular subject-verb agreement). Also keep parallel plural nouns for clarity.