Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural. Begin with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Avoid filler words and repetition. Also correct basic grammar (e.g., "photaholic"→"photography addict" or "I love photography") and use varied vocabulary.

例: Yes, I love taking photos of different views. For example, when the weather is especially clear I often photograph sunsets and city skylines because the colours are striking. In addition, I take pictures to keep memories of places I visit, so I usually focus on interesting light and composition.

提案: Answer directly with a clear preference or say you have no strong preference, then give one specific reason and example. Use linking words (for example, however) to make it coherent. Reduce hesitations and grammar errors.

例: I don't have a strong preference; it depends on my mood. For example, I enjoy urban views for their architecture and night lights, while rural scenes appeal to me because of their peaceful landscapes. Therefore I choose whichever catches my eye at the time.

提案: Give a clearer, grammatically correct response stating preference and reasons. Offer a specific contrast between familiar local views and exotic foreign scenes. Keep it to two or three sentences and use linking words like "however" or "also."

例: I prefer both, but for different reasons. At home I photograph everyday scenes and local flowers because I'm familiar with them, however when I travel abroad I focus on unusual plants and architecture to capture new experiences.

× Of course, as I'm a photaholic person, I love to take pictures wherever.

✓ Of course, since I'm a photoaholic, I love to take pictures wherever I go.

The phrase 'photaholic person' is awkward; 'photoaholic' (or 'photography addict') is a more natural adjective/noun. Also the sentence lacks 'I go' after 'wherever' to complete the clause. Suggest using 'since' for reason and include the verb 'go' to make the sentence grammatically complete. ID:13

× Whenever I go outside, mostly I take the pictures of the view which is very good for my eyes, like which looks very attractive.

✓ Whenever I go outside, I mostly take pictures of views that are pleasant to my eyes and look attractive.

'Mostly I take the pictures of the view' is wordy and uses incorrect article/quantifier. Use 'mostly I take pictures of views' or 'I mostly take pictures of views'. 'Which is very good for my eyes' should be 'that are pleasant to my eyes' for clarity and correct relative clause use. ID:14

× Like some of sometimes the weather outside is very beautiful and that thing which is really memorable for me.

✓ Sometimes the weather outside is very beautiful, and those moments are really memorable for me.

The original is ungrammatical and repetitive ('Like some of sometimes'). Use 'Sometimes' at the start, remove filler 'like', and use a clear subject 'those moments' with verb 'are' to form a complete sentence. ID:26

× It basically depends upon my mood that where I'm going in urban or the rural one, but I'm just taking the photographs which really attract my eyes or to save it as a memory for my future.

✓ It basically depends on my mood whether I go to an urban or a rural area, but I just take photographs that attract my eye or to save as memories for the future.

Use 'depends on' not 'depends upon' in this context (both possible but 'depends on' is more natural). Use 'whether' to introduce the alternative, and 'go to an urban or a rural area' is correct prepositional use. 'Attract my eyes' should be 'attract my eye' or 'attract me'. 'Save it as a memory' should be plural 'save as memories' or 'save them as memories'. ID:11

× So that I really, uh, it really helped me to like memorize that where I went.

✓ So it really helps me remember where I went.

Tense mismatch: conversation about habitual action requires present simple 'helps' not past 'helped'. 'To like memorize' is colloquial and incorrect; use 'remember' or 'memorize' without 'to like'. Remove filler 'uh' and unnecessary pronouns for clarity. ID:10

× Like where I'm living is the one which I'm living and I saw that in every day.

✓ I live here, so I see these views every day.

Original sentence repeats 'living' and is ungrammatical. Simplify to 'I live here, so I see these views every day' which provides a clear subject, verb and object and expresses the intended meaning. ID:26

× But whenever I go outside I just collect the pictures which is very beautiful.

✓ But whenever I go outside I just collect pictures that are very beautiful.

Relative clause agreement: 'pictures which is' is incorrect because 'pictures' is plural and needs 'are' and 'that' or 'which' with correct verb. Use 'pictures that are very beautiful'. ID:12

× Like I have a very interest in different flowers so that's why I'm taking pictures of the flowers or.

✓ I have a strong interest in different flowers, so that's why I take pictures of them.

'A very interest' is incorrect; use 'a strong interest' or 'I'm very interested in'. 'Taking pictures of the flowers or.' is incomplete and has unnecessary 'or'. Use 'I take pictures of them' for clarity and correct tense (present simple for habitual action). ID:13