Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a direct topic sentence, correct grammar (singular/plural, articles), avoid repetition, and give one or two specific supporting details with linking words. Keep to maximum ~3–4 sentences.

例: I don't take photos often, but I like to capture special occasions for memories. For example, I always ask someone to photograph my birthday and family gatherings so I can look back on them later.

提案: Begin with a clear topic sentence stating your preference, then give a specific reason using linking words and correct filler/repetition. Use more precise vocabulary (e.g., landscapes, scenery) and limit to 2–3 supporting sentences.

例: I prefer photographing rural areas because the natural scenery is more varied and peaceful. For example, rolling fields, rustic houses, and bright flowers create colorful compositions that I enjoy capturing.

提案: Answer directly, correct grammar and awkward phrases, and provide a specific example or comparison. Use linking words (for example, because, therefore) and avoid redundant words. Keep to 2–3 sentences.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they offer different landscapes and cultures. For example, visiting a coastal town abroad lets me see architectural styles and street scenes that I don't have at home, which is exciting and eye-opening.

× I do wish to capture moment of special occasions, maybe during my marriage, my wedding, my birthday.

✓ I do wish to capture moments of special occasions, maybe during my marriage, my wedding, or my birthday.

Missing plural 'moments' and incorrect/missing articles: 'moment' should be plural because multiple occasions produce multiple moments; also use 'or' to list examples. Use 'my marriage' or 'my wedding' — both are acceptable but listing them with commas requires conjunction. Suggestion: make nouns plural when referring to multiple instances and use conjunctions correctly.

× Those are pictures I could like for future memories.

✓ Those are pictures I could like to have for future memories.

The original sentence has incorrect verb structure 'like for' and awkward phrasing. 'Could like to have' or simply 'would like to keep' fits meaning. Ensure correct verb collocation: 'like to have' or 'would like' plus infinitive. Also 'for future memories' is odd; 'for future memories' is acceptable but 'as future memories' or 'to remember in the future' are alternatives.

× The views, the background, it's it brings some some colorful movement for me.

✓ The views and the background bring some colorful movement to me.

Original has redundant words ('it's it', double 'some') and mixed subjects. Combine subjects with 'and' and use plural verb 'bring' to match compound subject. Use 'bring to me' or 'bring me' for clearer structure. Remove duplicated words.

× Yes, that's why I think it's better for me to take pictures in rural areas than urban areas.

✓ Yes, that's why I think it's better for me to take pictures in rural areas than in urban areas.

Missing preposition 'in' before 'urban areas' for parallel structure when comparing locations. Maintain parallelism: 'in rural areas than in urban areas.' Subject-verb agreement is fine, but sentence structure requires parallel prepositions.

× I prefer the view in another country 'cause the environment and scenario it gives is different from my country.

✓ I prefer the views in another country because the environment and the scenery it offers are different from those in my country.

Use plural 'views' for general preference and replace colloquial ''cause' with 'because'. 'Scenario' is incorrect here; 'scenery' fits. 'It gives' is awkward; use 'it offers' and match plural agreement 'are different'. Also compare with 'those in my country' to avoid repeating 'my country.'

× So it's it's another way of life need me of seeing new things.

✓ So it's another way of life for me and a chance to see new things.

Original is ungrammatical and contains repetitions ('it's it's') and incorrect phrase 'need me of seeing'. Correct structure: 'for me' to indicate personal relevance, and 'a chance to see new things' expresses purpose. Use conjunctions to connect ideas.