Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and complete your idea. Start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition (e.g., “I think” multiple times), and add one specific supporting detail or example. Keep it under five sentences and use a linking word if adding detail.

例: Yes, I enjoy taking pictures of views because it helps me capture memories. For example, I often photograph sunsets at the local park to remember peaceful evenings and the changing colors of the sky.

提案: Be direct and avoid vague language and fillers (e.g., “I think,” “like,” “you know”). Give specific reasons and one concrete example. Use linking words (for example, however) to make your argument coherent and reduce redundancy.

例: I prefer urban views because cities offer varied architecture and lively streets. For example, I enjoy photographing modern buildings and busy markets in my city, which provide interesting shapes and colors compared with the simpler scenes in rural areas.

提案: Give a clear topic sentence and specific reasons without repeating phrases. Mention one clear example of a foreign view you would like to see and use a linking word (for example, because) to connect ideas. Stay within five sentences.

例: I prefer views in other countries because they offer different landscapes I haven't seen before. For instance, I would love to photograph the fjords in Norway because their steep cliffs and reflections create dramatic images that are unlike the mountains at home.

× Yes, I like taking pictures of the different views around me because I think it's like a form of capturing the memories and moments and I think.

✓ Yes, I like taking pictures of the different views around me because I think it's a way of capturing memories and moments.

The phrase 'it's like a form of capturing the memories and moments' is wordy and awkward. Use 'a way of capturing memories and moments' and remove the repeated 'the' before uncountable noun 'memories' and the redundant final 'and I think'. This improves clarity and naturalness; 'way of' is a correct noun phrase followed by the gerund 'capturing'. Suggestion: simplify redundant expressions and avoid unnecessary articles before plural uncountable nouns.

× I think according to my preference, I do like the views in urban areas more or less compared to rural areas, because I think the views that can be seen in rural areas, they're not exactly the best because, you know, there's not much to see over there.

✓ I prefer views in urban areas to those in rural areas because the views in rural areas are not always very interesting and there is not much to see there.

Multiple issues: awkward phrasing and tense consistency. 'I do like...more or less compared to' is wordy; use 'I prefer...to...'. Replace the contracted 'they're' with a clear subject and verb: 'the views in rural areas are not always very interesting'. Use 'there is' for existence. This keeps present-tense general preference and improves clarity. Suggestion: use 'prefer X to Y' for comparisons and avoid filler phrases like 'you know'.

× But like in urban areas, I think most of the environment's pretty clean and I think I really like the views over there more.

✓ But in urban areas, I think the environment is generally pretty clean, and I really like the views there more.

The original uses 'most of the environment's' which is awkward; use 'the environment is generally pretty clean'. Also remove redundant 'I think' repetition and unnecessary 'over' in 'over there'. This corrects pronoun/phrase misuse and improves fluency. Suggestion: avoid repeating 'I think' and use 'there' instead of 'over there' in formal speech.

× I think I do prefer the views in other countries more as compared to my country because I've seen a lot of the landscapes and all mountains within within my country.

✓ I prefer views in other countries to those in my country because I have already seen many of the landscapes and mountains in my country.

Use 'prefer X to Y' for comparison; 'views in other countries to those in my country' replaces awkward 'as compared to'. 'I've seen a lot of the landscapes and all mountains' is ungrammatical: use 'have already seen many of the landscapes and mountains' and remove duplicate 'within'. Also prefer 'in my country' rather than 'within my country'. This fixes tense/aspect and article use. Suggestion: use 'many' with countable nouns and avoid redundant words.

× And I think like checking the views of other countries would be better as there's a lot of views I have not seen and I think seeing those should be like a part of everyone's life.

✓ I think seeing the views of other countries would be better because there are many views I have not seen, and experiencing them should be part of everyone's life.

Replace informal 'checking the views' with 'seeing the views' and change 'there's a lot of views' to 'there are many views' (subject-verb agreement and countable noun usage). Remove filler 'like' and duplicate 'I think'. 'Should be like a part' is awkward; use 'should be part of'. This corrects pronoun and sentence structure errors and improves formality and clarity. Suggestion: avoid conversational fillers and ensure subject-verb agreement when using 'a lot of' with countable nouns.