Views— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Improve grammar and fluency: use correct verb forms and articles, reduce filler sounds (uh), and make sentences more concise. Add one clear supporting detail using a linking word. For example, correct verb forms (going → go), articles (a picture), and avoid repetition (take pictures / capture the moment).

例: Yes, I do. When I go out and see beautiful scenery, I always take pictures to capture the moment. For instance, if I visit a garden with many colorful flowers, I usually take several photos to remember the visit.

提案: Focus on clarity and coherence: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid hesitations and false starts, and give a specific reason with a linking word. Correct vocabulary (e.g. skyscrapers, buildings) and finish the supporting idea. Keep it within 3–4 concise sentences.

例: I prefer rural areas. Because I live in the city, I often see skyscrapers, busy streets and large crowds, which can be overwhelming. Therefore, when I visit the countryside, I enjoy the peace, open space and fresh air.

提案: Avoid repetition and use accurate phrasing: say “as a Chinese person” and remove repeated words. Provide one specific example and use linking words to organize the list. Use varied vocabulary (coast, mountain ranges, deserts, lakes).

例: As a Chinese person, I prefer the scenery in my country. China is very large, so it offers a wide variety of landscapes; for example, we have vast deserts in the northwest, long coastlines and many mountain ranges and lakes in the south.

× Yes, definitely when I uh going out, if I see the beautiful scenery, I will take picture to capture the moment.

✓ Yes, definitely when I am going out, if I see beautiful scenery, I will take pictures to capture the moment.

The original lacks the auxiliary verb 'am' before the present participle 'going', so use the present continuous 'am going' to show the action in progress (Verb + -ing form). Also 'take picture' needs plural 'pictures' for natural usage when speaking generally. Suggestion: use 'I am going out' and 'take pictures'.

× For example, if I go in a garden uh, with a brown main flowers, I will definitely take pictures.

✓ For example, if I go into a garden with some brownish flowers, I will definitely take pictures.

The phrase 'go in a garden' should be 'go into a garden' (preposition + article) and 'a brown main flowers' mixes singular article with plural noun and unclear adjective order. This fits article and noun agreement issues. Use 'some' for plural unspecified quantity and 'brownish' or 'brown' as an adjective before 'flowers'. Suggestion: 'go into a garden with some brownish flowers'.

× Umm well, I definitely like rural areas because I live in the city and you know, in the city I always say hi, towers, bases, streets and crowds.

✓ Umm well, I definitely like rural areas because I live in the city and you know, in the city I always see high towers, buses, streets and crowds.

The original uses 'say hi' incorrectly; likely meant 'see'. Also 'bases' is incorrect for 'buses' and 'hi, towers' should be 'high towers' or 'high-rises'. This is an incorrect use of words/prepositions and word choice. Suggestion: use 'see high towers, buses, streets and crowds'.

× Sometimes it feels like little overwhelming and when I go to rural areas I can see.

✓ Sometimes it feels a little overwhelming, and when I go to rural areas I feel relaxed and can enjoy the views.

The fragment 'I can see' is incomplete and 'little overwhelming' misses the article 'a'. This is a sentence structure error and missing required words. Suggestion: add 'a' before 'little overwhelming' and complete the clause with what you can see or feel, e.g. 'I feel relaxed and can enjoy the views'.

× Well, as a Chinese people, I definitely like the Chinese scenery.

✓ Well, as a Chinese person, I definitely like Chinese scenery.

'Chinese people' is plural while 'a' indicates singular; use 'a Chinese person' or 'Chinese people' without 'a'. This is an incorrect use of pronouns/nouns. Also 'the Chinese scenery' is natural as 'Chinese scenery' without 'the' for general statement. Suggestion: 'as a Chinese person' and 'I like Chinese scenery'.

× Umm, China is big and we have all kinds of all kinds of, uh, nature, uh, nature landscapes.

✓ Umm, China is big and we have all kinds of natural landscapes.

The phrase repeats 'all kinds of' and 'nature' unnecessarily, creating redundancy and poor sentence structure. Use 'natural landscapes' as a concise expression. Suggestion: remove repetition and use 'natural landscapes'.

× We have desert, ocean, mountain and lakes.

✓ We have deserts, oceans, mountains and lakes.

The list mixes singular and plural nouns; when speaking generally about categories, use plural forms (deserts, oceans, mountains, lakes). This is an incorrect use of adjectives/nouns agreement. Suggestion: pluralize the items for consistency.