School— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Try to avoid redundancy and improve sentence clarity. For example, instead of repeating 'running' and 'run running', say 'has been operating for over 20 years'. Also, keep sentences concise and avoid mixing too many ideas in one sentence.

例: My school is the Philippine International School in Qatar, located in the new industrial area about a 20-minute drive from my home. It has been operating for over 20 years and is known for its quality education, professional teachers, and a positive school environment.

提案: Focus on grammatical accuracy and clarity. Use correct verb tenses and expressions, for example, 'they make us feel safe' and 'everyone is well taught and knowledgeable'. Also, avoid vague phrases like 'many reasons' and specify one or two reasons clearly.

例: Yes, I love my school for several reasons. Firstly, the quality of education they provide is excellent. They make us feel safe, and the teachers ensure that every student is well taught and knowledgeable.

提案: Improve grammar and vocabulary by using correct plural forms and clearer expressions. For example, say 'our facilities lack sufficient resources' and 'laboratory equipment such as microscopes'. Also, use linking words like 'however' properly to contrast ideas.

例: Yes, I believe my school is a good place to learn new things. However, our facilities lack sufficient resources, such as enough microscopes and other laboratory equipment, which limits some practical experiments.

提案: Clarify your ideas and correct grammar mistakes. The phrase 'our school essay will be no school' is unclear and should be removed or corrected. Use linking words like 'because' to explain reasons. Also, avoid starting sentences with 'And'.

例: My school feels like home because everyone around speaks my language, which makes it easier to adjust. I believe this supportive environment helps students perform well academically.

提案: Work on sentence structure and avoid repetition. For example, say 'interest is a key factor for academic success because without it, you lack motivation and may become bored.' Also, avoid starting sentences with 'And'.

例: I believe interest is a key factor for academic success because without it, you lack motivation and may become bored or uninterested in the lessons.

× Our school is run running for over 20 years and it is known for its quality education with really professional teachers and a good school environment.

✓ Our school has been running for over 20 years and it is known for its quality education with really professional teachers and a good school environment.

The phrase 'is run running' is incorrect. The correct form to express an ongoing action that started in the past and continues to the present is the present perfect continuous tense 'has been running'. This shows the school has been operating continuously for over 20 years.

× They made us feel that we are safe at the school and they make sure that everyone is well thought and well knowledge.

✓ They make us feel that we are safe at the school and they make sure that everyone is well taught and well knowledgeable.

The sentence mixes past tense 'made' with present tense 'make'. Since the context is about ongoing feelings and actions, present tense 'make' is appropriate. Also, 'well thought' is incorrect; the correct adjective is 'well taught'. 'Well knowledge' should be 'well knowledgeable' to describe someone's knowledge level.

× However, our facilities lacks wherein we don't have enough resources and materials to conduct different laboratory works such as enough numbers of microscopes and other laboratory things.

✓ However, our facilities lack resources and materials to conduct different laboratory work such as enough microscopes and other laboratory equipment.

The subject 'facilities' is plural, so the verb should be 'lack' not 'lacks'. 'Laboratory works' is incorrect; 'laboratory work' is uncountable. 'Enough numbers of microscopes' is awkward; 'enough microscopes' is better. 'Laboratory things' is vague; 'laboratory equipment' is more precise.

× Since our school essay will be no school, it feels like home wherein everybody around you knows your language and speak your language, making it easier for you to adjust to the environment.

✓ Since our school is an international school, it feels like home where everybody around you knows and speaks your language, making it easier for you to adjust to the environment.

The original sentence contains unclear and incorrect phrases like 'school essay will be no school'. It should be 'is an international school'. Also, 'wherein' is better replaced by 'where'. The verbs 'knows' and 'speak' should agree in number; 'knows and speaks' is correct.

× And with that, I believe that it is also one of the contributing factors on how students perform positively at school.

✓ And with that, I believe that it is also one of the contributing factors to how students perform positively at school.

The correct preposition after 'contributing factors' is 'to', not 'on'. Using 'to' properly links the factor to the outcome.

× For me, I think that interest is one of the key factors for academic success because without the interest in this, the in the lesson you're trying to learn, you don't have the motivation or the drive to continue on what you are doing.

✓ For me, I think that interest is one of the key factors for academic success because without interest in the lesson you're trying to learn, you don't have the motivation or the drive to continue what you are doing.

The phrase 'the interest in this, the in the lesson' is redundant and confusing. Removing unnecessary pronouns and articles clarifies the sentence. Also, 'continue on what you are doing' should be 'continue what you are doing' for correct verb usage.