Study— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Your answer is generally clear but could be more natural and concise. Avoid short, fragmented sentences like "Right now." Instead, combine ideas smoothly and use more precise vocabulary. Also, avoid redundancy such as "I tend to help a lot of patients"; simply say "I help many patients."

例: I graduated last September 2023 and now work as a pharmacist at Aster Pharmacy. I really enjoy my job because I help many patients manage their medications effectively.

提案: Your answer has some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, such as "The my school". Also, avoid repeating graduation dates unnecessarily. Try to make your answer more fluent and natural by correcting grammar and linking ideas logically.

例: I graduated last September 2024 from Macalette Conception University, which is located in Davao Oriental, Philippines. I really liked my school because the teachers were very supportive and knowledgeable.

提案: Your answer is relevant and includes supporting details, but there are minor grammatical errors such as "for to study" and "facility were". Also, try to use more varied vocabulary and linking words to improve coherence.

例: In my opinion, it is a good place to study because the teachers are knowledgeable and teach efficiently. Moreover, the school has a pleasant atmosphere and excellent facilities, which make learning enjoyable.

提案: Your answer addresses the question but the sentence structure is awkward and some phrases are unclear, such as "I want my school to have changes." Try to express your ideas more naturally and use linking words to connect your points.

例: I would like my school to make a few changes, especially to the library. It is quite small and lacks enough tables and chairs for students to study comfortably.

提案: Your answer is clear and relevant, but could be improved by using more natural phrasing and linking words. For example, "upgrade my degree" is better expressed as "advance my education." Also, avoid repeating "to" before verbs.

例: Having graduated with a Bachelor's degree in Clinical Pharmacy, I plan to pursue a Master's degree in Pharmacy to advance my education and deepen my knowledge in the field.

× I already graduated last September 2025, so I am a working professional.

✓ I already graduated last September 2024, so I am a working professional.

The original sentence mentions 'last September 2025', which is a future date relative to now. Since the graduation is in the past, the correct year should be 2024 to match the timeline and maintain past tense consistency.

× Right now. I work as a pharmacist in Aster Pharmacy and I love my job because I tend to help a lot of patients.

✓ Right now, I work as a pharmacist in Aster Pharmacy and I love my job because I tend to help a lot of patients.

The original sentence incorrectly uses a period after 'Right now' which fragments the sentence. It should be a comma to connect the introductory phrase to the main clause, improving sentence flow and structure.

× The my school is located in Davao Oriental in the Philippines and I love my school because my teachers were great.

✓ My school is located in Davao Oriental in the Philippines and I love my school because my teachers were great.

The phrase 'The my school' is incorrect because 'the' and 'my' are both determiners and cannot be used together. Only 'my' is needed to indicate possession.

× Furthermore, the school does have a nice ambience and the facility were great.

✓ Furthermore, the school does have a nice ambience and the facilities were great.

The word 'facility' should be plural 'facilities' to agree with 'were' and to correctly refer to multiple amenities. This is a singular/plural agreement issue.

× There are just a few things that I want my school to have changes, like the library which is quite a bit smaller and the place doesn't have a lot of tables and chairs.

✓ There are just a few changes that I want my school to make, like the library which is quite a bit smaller and the place doesn't have a lot of tables and chairs.

The phrase 'I want my school to have changes' is awkward and incorrect. The correct expression is 'I want my school to make changes' to indicate the school should implement changes.

× Now that I graduated from my Bachelor's in Science major in Clinical pharmacy, I plan to study Masters in pharmacy so I would be able to upgrade my degree and to learn a lot more about my field.

✓ Now that I have graduated with my Bachelor's in Science majoring in Clinical Pharmacy, I plan to study for a Master's in Pharmacy so I will be able to upgrade my degree and learn a lot more about my field.

The sentence mixes tenses and modal verbs incorrectly. 'I would be able' suggests conditional mood, but here a future intention is expressed, so 'I will be able' is correct. Also, 'study Masters in pharmacy' should be 'study for a Master's in Pharmacy' for proper noun and article usage.