Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and natural: start with a clear topic sentence, avoid repetition and filler words, and add one specific supporting detail using a linking word. Also keep to under five sentences. Pronunciation of repeated words should be avoided.

例: Yes, I did. My brother taught me to ride when I was about eight, and we often cycled to the nearby park to play and relax. Because the park was close to home, those rides became a regular weekend routine.

提案: Give a clear direct opinion first, then support it with specific reasons using linking words. Avoid vague phrases and fillers, and improve grammar (e.g. "not very popular", "younger generation", "more convenient"). Limit to no more than four sentences.

例: I don't think bikes are very popular in my country. For example, younger students often ride bikes to school, but most adults prefer cars or public transport because it is cheaper and more convenient. As a result, cycling is mainly a choice for children and teenagers.

× Yeah, I used to have a bike in my childhood.

✓ Yes, I used to have a bike in my childhood.

The sentence uses informal 'Yeah'; change to 'Yes' for standard spoken response. This is not a tense error but a register issue; however the core tense 'used to' is correct for past habitual actions. Suggestion: use 'Yes' in formal contexts. Note: Only change is register, no grammatical tense correction needed.

× My brother taught me how to ride it and we all, we would usually cycle, cycle to the park together and, uh, enjoy the atmosphere.

✓ My brother taught me how to ride it, and we would usually cycle to the park together and enjoy the atmosphere.

Remove the repeated words and filler sounds to correct sentence structure and flow. The past habit 'would usually' is appropriate; redundant comma and repetition create fragmentation. Suggestion: eliminate duplicated words and unnecessary pauses to form a single coherent sentence.

× To be honest, they're not that much popular in my country.

✓ To be honest, they're not very popular in my country.

'Not that much popular' is ungrammatical in English. Use 'not very popular' or 'not that popular'. 'Very' is the correct adverb to modify 'popular'. Suggestion: use 'not very popular' or 'not that popular'.

× they may be popular with young generation like middle schoolers, uh,

✓ they may be popular with the younger generation, such as middle schoolers,

Missing article and incorrect phrase 'young generation'. Use 'the younger generation' and 'such as' to introduce an example. 'With' is acceptable, but article 'the' is required. Suggestion: use 'the younger generation' and 'such as' or 'like' without filler.

× but elderly people usually prefer cars more or public transport because it's cheaper in more convenient and uh, cars give them some kind of priority.

✓ but elderly people usually prefer cars or public transport because it's cheaper and more convenient, and cars give them some priority.

Multiple errors: 'prefer cars more or public transport' is awkward — use 'prefer cars or public transport'. 'Cheaper in more convenient' is incorrect word order and an extra word 'in'; correct order is 'cheaper and more convenient'. 'Some kind of priority' is wordy — 'some priority' is natural. Suggestion: reorder adjectives correctly, remove redundant words, and choose concise phrasing.