Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be clear and direct with a correct topic sentence, avoid repetition, fix grammar and word choice, and add one concise supporting detail using a linking word. Keep to a maximum of 3–4 sentences. For example, say you didn’t have a bike, explain what you had instead, give a reason briefly, and conclude if needed.

例: No, I didn’t have a bike when I was a child. Instead, I had a toy car that I used to play with at home. My parents thought a bike would be unsafe for me, so they never bought one.

提案: Start with a clear short opinion, then add a specific reason using a linking word and a concrete example. Correct vocabulary (luggage, not luggages) and avoid repeating words. Keep it to 2–3 sentences and use linking words like 'because' or 'for example' appropriately.

例: No, bicycles are not very popular in my country because most people prefer the convenience of cars. For example, many commuters drive to work so they can transport shopping and luggage more easily.

× No I did not have a bright when I was a child.

✓ No, I did not have a bike when I was a child.

The sentence uses the past tense correctly with 'did not have' but contains a wrong word choice 'bright' which is not a noun referring to a bicycle. Replace with the correct noun 'bike'. Also add a comma after 'No' for natural speech punctuation.

× I instead I have a toy car which I used to in playing around but my parents thought a bike would be a bad idea for me so they didn't get me one.

✓ Instead, I had a toy car that I used to play with, but my parents thought a bike would be a bad idea for me, so they didn't get me one.

Multiple issues: tense consistency (describe childhood in past tense: use 'had' and 'used to play with' rather than 'have' and 'used to in playing'), incorrect verb/preposition combination ('used to play with' is correct), and sentence structure/flow (use commas and conjunctions properly). Change 'which I used to in playing around' to 'that I used to play with' and make verbs past tense to match 'when I was a child.'

× So I don't have a bike when I was a child.

✓ So I didn't have a bike when I was a child.

Tense inconsistency: the clause 'when I was a child' requires past tense. Use 'didn't have' (past) rather than 'don't have' (present).

× No, bikes are not popular in my country and this is because people prefer to use their cars.

✓ No, bikes are not popular in my country because people prefer to use their cars.

The original is largely correct in tense, but is wordy with 'and this is because.' Simplify for natural speech by using 'because.' No tense change required; keep present simple to describe a general truth.

× For example, most people take their cars to work just so they can pack more goods and luggages.

✓ For example, most people drive their cars to work so they can carry more goods and luggage.

Several issues: 'take their cars' is acceptable but 'drive their cars' is more natural. 'Pack more goods' is unnatural in this context; use 'carry more goods.' 'Luggages' is incorrect—'luggage' is an uncountable noun and does not take an plural form. Also remove 'just' if unnecessary. Keep present simple for habitual action.