Bike— Part 1 採点レポート

提案: Be more concise and avoid repetition; start with a clear topic sentence, then add one or two specific supporting details using linking words. Reduce filler words like “uh” and finish the sentence. Keep answers within 3–4 sentences.

例: Yes. I had a small bike with training wheels when I was five. Because of the training wheels, I usually rode it only around my neighborhood and didn’t go far from home. It felt more like a toy than a proper bicycle, but I enjoyed riding it with my friends.

提案: Improve clarity and grammar by using correct expressions and linking words; begin with a direct opinion, then support with specific reasons and an example. Avoid vague phrases like “over like” and use clearer vocabulary such as “considered a luxury” or “a status symbol.” Limit to 3–4 sentences.

例: I don’t think bikes are very common; they are often considered a luxury in my country. Because many families cannot afford them, owning a bike can be seen as a status symbol. For instance, a classmate who had a bike was more admired by other students.

× Yes, I had a bike when I was five years old and it had training wheels on it.

✓ Yes, I had a bike when I was five years old, and it had training wheels.

The original sentence is mostly correct but slightly wordy. This correction keeps past-tense consistency and removes the redundant 'on it' after 'training wheels' for concision. Maintain past simple because the events occurred in childhood.

× So whenever I rode it in the neighborhood, I rode it with those training wheels and I wasn't able to ride it too far from my home and uh, as it had training wheels on it, it was more like a toy than a real bike.

✓ Whenever I rode it in the neighborhood, I used the training wheels, so I couldn't ride it far from home; because of the training wheels, it felt more like a toy than a real bike.

The original is run-on and repetitive. Break into clearer clauses and use past simple consistently: 'used' and 'couldn't' are appropriate. Replace 'as it had training wheels on it' with 'because of the training wheels' for natural causal expression. Remove filler 'uh' and redundant phrases.

× I really.

✓ I really liked it.

The fragment 'I really.' is incomplete and lacks a verb and object. Provide a complete clause matching context, e.g., 'I really liked it,' using past simple to describe childhood feelings.

× In my country bikes are seen over like a bit of a luxury.

✓ In my country, bikes are seen as a bit of a luxury.

Use the preposition 'as' after 'seen' to indicate perception. 'Seen over like' is ungrammatical. Also add a comma after introductory phrase for clarity.

× Not all people can afford it, but a person having it has a different status than any other people in the society.

✓ Not everyone can afford one, but a person who has a bike has a higher status than others in society.

'Not all people' is better as 'Not everyone'. Replace 'it' with 'one' to refer to a bike. Use 'a person who has a bike' instead of 'a person having it' for natural phrasing. 'Any other people in the society' is awkward; use 'others in society' and omit the definite article before 'society' here.

× For example, in my class there was a guy that owned a bike and he was really popular among the students.

✓ For example, in my class there was a guy who owned a bike, and he was very popular among the students.

Use 'who' for people instead of 'that'. 'Very' is more natural than 'really' in this context, though 'really' is acceptable; the main correction is pronoun choice and adding a comma before 'and' to join independent clauses. Past simple 'was' and 'owned' are correct for past context.